A year has passed.

Well hello again. I’ve been gone again for a year. I thought I was gonna be back last time for a while but not very long after my last post I was able to escape my girlfriend. We went back home to visit our family and after a few days together out of that week I was finally alone. I was so happy to get away but she was not. She never left me alone. My phone was always going off. My parents wanted me to watch their friends child my last day in town and I told them I wanted to but couldn’t. I explained she would be mad (they didn’t realize we were dating) but when I finally confessed they saw how broken I became again. I left town a day early to pack my things and move with a friend for my last 2 months away from home. The entire experience made not go back to University. A week or two into living with my friend we were high and kinda flirting she wanted me to sleep in bed with her that night and I was like meh okay I woke up to hands where they didn’t belong. I felt so betrayed. Not to mention I started talking and kinda dating a guy I met on here years ago so I felt like I cheated. I wonder if he knew it was him if he read this. I’m sorry. I told her to get off me. I told her that’s rape. Not to mention. I’m already 4 rape experiences down what’s one more right? She left the room and I heard her crying the whole night. The shity part is I forgave her later the next day. And we started having a thing for that guy I just mentioned. I know I messed up. She eventually cut things off before her and I moved back to our hometown when she realized cheating on her bf wasn’t okay cause she was falling in love with me. Fast forward a week and we moved back to our parents houses. I started fighting with my mom as I was used to being on my own. I wasnt happy feeling tied down again. That guy I was seeing from on here I left him. I couldn’t do it. He wasn’t always that nice and when he wasn’t he broke me. I went through a lot of mini relationships over the summer. A lot of people who played me. I had a job I didn’t really like but what I was doing was entertaining and challenging enough I kept going. Toward the end of 2017 I met a guy online. He was different but after being broken so many times I was skeptical. We spent everyday we could together. I spent all night at his house til they Dawn of morning and I traveled back the 25 miles to my mom’s house to get ready for work and go back to his after. For the first time I felt secure with someone. I felt happy. We ended up both getting fired from our jobs 3 days apart. So we spent every day together I spent the night every night his mom thought I moved in. Him his friend and I all went to my mom’s for a night since his house at the time was chaotic. My sister and I had a huge fight the next morning and mom told me I can just leave. His mom said I can just move in at this point since im there anyways. That was a day before Thanksgiving. Fast forward to the last month and I found the best reason for life. We’re expecting a child in October and I honestly could say this entire chaos of a year since I last posted has been nothing but pain and growth I found my happiness I found who I’m supposed to be with. Im so happy I’m finally going to be a mommy. I first signed up here when I was 14 years old. Now I’m going to be 21 this year and so much has changed I’m doing so much better now. Life is good. Not sure how much I will be on here but I know that for anyone struggling keep fighting. At some point the fight is worth it. Stay strong everyone <3