Confusion

February 14th, 2018by Blackbear

So idk this always happens to me where I just hate how I’m acting, portraying myself to others. I’m always thinking about well I’ve gotta do this so they don’t think I’m not paying attention to them, I’ve always gotta smile so I seem polite. I just want a break though. I don’t wanna fucking talk to anyone, I don’t wanna have to change how I am because I don’t wanna upset others around me. But I hate doing it and it bothers me so much because if i were to stop being “fake” I guess that means I’ll make the “friends” upset but I just wanna say to them grow the fuck up but I feel like it’s me who has to grow the fuck up. I feel like I have to learn how to start being me but anxiety stops me I’ve always gotta please others around me and it just makes me hate myself like i’ve went along with the whole nice act like yeah I don’t mind but then again I don’t have it in me to stop when I have to..

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