In my current age of 21, I’ve really started to feel that all of my previous loves and passions no longer incite emotions inside me the way that they used to. In fact, I’d say that nearly all of my passions have died.
They have died, and I am left with nothing. No purpose, no drive, no motivation. I feel like a ghost who is waiting to move on to thenext life, floating around in a directionless, bleak void.
Sorry for getting so dark there. Am I alone in this feeling? Would love to hear from you all.
12 comments
No you ain’t alone, though we may feel empty inside for different reasons. I’ve always felt isolated and empty because since day 1, I have always been deemed a failure by everyone in my city, my community. I believe being dead is like before we were born and life is only an interval. After a while you get used to being trapped, but at the same time you feel you deserve better than a prison sentence you didn’t ask for.
I had lost my 2 only allies and friends from suicide. I can only be happy that they are at peace and do not have to feel the torture of life anymore.
That’s how I look at suicide too. It’s strange. When we’re kids, the world is full of exciting and hopeful things. As we grow though, those things slowly begin to die out and disappear altogether.
How does anyone think life is worth living?
I know exactly how that feels. I’m 23 and have no real goals of ambitions left in life. I feel like I’m wasting time going in circles. I want to feel like I am following passion and doing something important but I feel dead inside.
You know what makes it even worse? We see all of these great people throughout history. Young, opd, or whatever. And they always go on to change the world soley because they never lost their passion for whatever they were doing.
Meanwhile, we’re all stuck here, unable to ignite a flame inside us that’s even half as bright.
You are right passion and purpose is what drives everything. Without them life becomes an empty miserable void.
You know what may help you. If you are already considering suicide, stare death directly in the face. I’m not suggesting you attempt it but really think about the whole process of it. Try writing out your life. Regrets in your life, people you care about, passions you used to feel. I’ve spent years in the fantasy and desire of suicide, wanting to leave peacefully and feeling I have absolutely no reason to stay. The idea of suicide gave me comfort that I wasn’t trapped here. I just recently had my method ready. 60mg xanax, 120mg valium, 5000mg phenobarbital, 500mg fentanyl. I knew this method was a 100% success rate. Starting at the pills and powder in my hand though something clicked though. My family and friends care about me so much and would do anything for me. I feel regret for hurting my ex. I remembered the things that used to matter to me. Something about staring death in the face and knowing you are about to die really wakes you up. Maybe instead of trying to find reasons to stay alive, maybe look directly at the end and ask yourself if there is any reason no to.
This is the feeling I have since I was a child. Now I’m 33 and nothing has changed. I don’t even remember how it was to have hopes, likes, passions, anything. I love my family and don’t want them to suffer, that is the only reason to be still alive, I wonder how much time will I be strong enough.
I have spent the majority of my life feeling there is no purpose for living. I have however had a sense of meaning at times. When my dad saw my bleeding and cried saying I don’t want to lose you that made me feel something. When I met my ex girlfriend and I deeply loved her and felt loved by her that made me feel. When I found out my friend was being abused by her legal guardian and I defended her and helped her find somewhere to live and told her I care about her, that made me feel. To me the only real purpose of living is to find what is real and connect with it as much as possible. I just recently attempted suicide and seeing how much those around me care about me really hit me hard. Our only hope is to connect with what truly matters in life. Money, status, ect mean nothing. Connecting with those closest to you, following your heart, helping others ect. These are the only real reason to stay alive to me.
I can relate to this quite alot. Over the years I have lost interest in pretty much all hobbies, interests, passions. I start to question if they were ever really as important as I remember them being. If I ever really cared that much. Or maybe I just convinced myself that I cared about them, simply because we all need those mental distractions to help us get through the days. I don’t even know anymore. All just distractions to keep us from having too much time to think about how empty and meaningless life really is lol
I have been considering death by my hands for over 2 decades. What has kept me living are my children. 2 adopted, 2 birth. Ages range from 20yrs to 1.5yrs. What I have forcing myself to go on, is having to be their anchor.
Perhaps a mentorship (if stable to do so) would be a good way to tell yourself you must go on.. When I see the kids smile, it makes my day worth the battle.
I know the feeling well, to have passion and love with goals and then suddenly it’s all gone and now just feel lost and left behind in a screwed up world that didn’t give a damn about us
I’m really feeling the full weight of that pain right now.