Failed Last Night- it’s Tough.

  February 19th, 2018 by BML84

Last night I was all ready- I’ve been preparing awhile now.

I had the DDMP method minus actual morphine.
I had Valium & Chl in a bowl with baby food.
I had alcohol. Few stiff drinks I felt relaxed. I’d taken anti-emetics and even anti histamines.

I started taking- and it was impossible.

The baby food mixture was unearthly- a taste like nothing on earth. My mind and body rebelled and heaved.
The DDMP was in sweet fruit syrup- my first sip I retched and my stomach heaved, anti-emetics be damned.

I couldn’t do it- the taste was too much and my physiological reactions took twenty minutes to die down. I wrapped them and put them in the fridge (I live alone) and I want to continue, but I can’t.

Today I feel low, bitter, disappointed and weak in every way. Work is going to be unreal.
How on Earth do they take this?

Damn my weakness!! So bitter and betrayed by myself.

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