I cant help myself

February 4th, 2018by Letmyheartsing

Everything about me is negative I never talk about positivity, but there’s nothing positive in my life so what should I do?

I wouldn’t be so hurt if I was in school like a normal kid with straight A’s, a job and lots of friends and a girlfriend. That’s success in teenage years. I can’t do anything right I can’t spell, I can’t read as well as I used to, I can’t learn because I was diagnosed with a learning disability in second grade, my grammar is bad.
Maybe all the rich people stuff I learned, “why the rich get richer and the poor get poorer”. Isn’t useful because I will never put in the work to be a successful as the people I see online that I wish to be one day because I’m too depressed, fat and lazy to do anything even just walk the dog down the street.
When I first got interested in real estate investing in the stock market I thought I had hope in my life I thought that I should learn before I get an adult age so I will have just enough knowledge I need to get started. I guess I tried to find something that’s very interesting to me so that I can get my mind off being lazy, depressed, and suicidal.
But as you can see I’m very sensitive about what people say about my interest. I’m very sensitive about what I want to be and I stick to my opinion and my beliefs but this time I feel like I’m losing it because I’m losing faith in myself and my dreams are shrinking. Everyday is a very hard battle for me I tear up so easily at the end of the week. I don’t know what to do.
I contemplate suicide for a reason not for attention. I never actually attempted suicide but every time I cry I get closer to my decision. All I want out of life is health, wealth, love, and, happiness but instead I have chaos, failure, torture, and, anxiety.
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