It wasnt until 4 months into our relationship that i found out he was married before. I didn’t find out in a nice way either. But i was already in love with him and I wanted to be the calm relaxed girlfriend so i didnt say anything. I could see that he was ashamed and didnt want to tell me. Again, it took another 8 months before i find out he was still actually married.
I wish i did get angry because im still not over the fact he didnt tell me. In all honesty, i wouldnt have continued dating him if he had told me straight away. I know myself. I know im insecure and I wouldve known this would be something that would get to me. It has got to me. A part of me resents him for not telling me. Im angry at him. Its harder to love him and now im pushing him away. I feel terrible because it’s not his fault.
6 comments
Wow. It’s TOTALLY his fault.
Once a cheater, always a cheater.
I feel sorry for his wife.
As for you? You need to decide what’s right for you, but this isn’t a guy with whom you can build any future.
It is most certainly his fault. He purposely tried to hide the fact that he was still married to you. And he probably isn’t going to divorce her either. He’s very happy being married and seeing other women on the side, and you’ll most likely always be his side girl. Most girls fool themselves into thinking “he’ll leave his wife for me…”
You made the right choice. Dump his a**. He wasn’t serious with you to begin with, despite how you might feel about him.
He concealed a piece of information critical to any intimate relationship. This concealment is on a par with lying. And BTW, as the saying goes, if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you.
May I offer a suggestion to make such an ordeal less likely to happen again? Think of a question you can ask a prospective intimate (mentally, physically, or both) that would tend to reveal pre-existing ties they may have. It may take several weeks to ferret out the important facts about a potential intimate and it is time well spent.
May I share one from my experience? I was divorced for about two years and I did not like the financial aftermath in the least and nor did I like my ex’s deliberate financial dependence on me during the 20+ years of marriage. That is how I am. So if another bride where to be in my future I wanted to be reasonably sure that what she was fiscally responsible. So I came up with a dating question that usually told me most of what I needed to know, and right away, about their financial status and usually a ton of other matters as well. It was: “How do you like your car?” That question often revealed tons of financial information, and frequently other information, in most cases. In cases where it did not, I soon found concealment at play. That question was huge.
Find your question.
They were separated when they met me so he wasn’t cheating on his wife with me. His wife (now ex wife because a few months after i found out tgey had been still married he filed for divorced) was the one that cheated on him and ran off with her boyfriend leaving him with credit card debt Etc Etc. He was financially in debt with mortgages, car loans. He said before he met me he was so miserable he was going to end his life. I think he has chronic depression.
It’s bothering me because.. he hates marriages, hates women and relationships. He’s bitter about his past I don’t think he’s healed and moved on. He said he’s got no closure from it. He’s told me he doesn’t ever want to buy a house with a girlfriend again.. or even get a dog. I don’t think he wants to get married again. She hasn’t changed her last name back which bothers me but I guess he can’t change that. I compare our relationship to the one they had. I think everyone does. I feel like I’m third wheeling a dead marriage!!
This is the first boyfriend I’ve thought about a real future with.. it’s meant to be exciting. But it’s not for him. He’s broken. This is a path already tread. One of misery for him. Something’s not being said between. I feel uncomfortable looking him in the eye. Im unhappy. Sorry for going on and on. Thank you for listening. 🙂
“…he hates marriages, hates women and relationships.” Your words.
You deserve someone who is excited about spending their life with you, who doesn’t hold women in low regard, who cherishes you.
Buy your own house, your own dog. You don’t need someone to give you things you can give yourself. You need someone who wants to give himself to you, his time, devotion.
Love is commitment and sacrifice. That should be mutual.
not his fault? wtf?
You kidding us?
He is married, doesn’t tell you, and it is not his fault?
What planet are you on?
Move on,, really,,,, he committed one of the worst things he could have done…. and in a terrible way….
Do you seriously want something that in your life?
Get out of it, stay out, and be glad you learned the truth!!!!