I’m Pathetic

It’s not easy to motivate yourself. When I get to doing something I find it’s easy to continue (as long as I don’t get distracted of course) but sometimes I have to trick myself into doing something. I for one am bad at making plans in the first place, so you got that going for you.

Sometimes when I do try to plan out my day, I can get into very rigid notions of how things should go and as soon as they deviate from this notion I lose the motivation to go on. Just getting out of bed too late will sometimes lead me to not doing anything that day but procrastinate. Then, sitting in one place doing nothing and feeling bad about it feels just good enough NOW not to get up and do something and MAYBE feel better about myself after. So, while I’m waiting for a moment of feeling naturally motivated to get up and do something, which I always miss, I start to wallow in self-pity and discomfort. It’s a vicious circle.

If you let it you might find that your mind will go to any lengths to come up with all sorts of silly reasons not to do something, even forgoing your sense of self-worth. So, I guess don’t take it to personal: sometimes you’re pathetic but right now you’re still aware of it. Today it’s the pathetic part of you which wins and some other time the part of you that’s a bit more forward-thinking wins. It does not need to define your whole person.

One last thing: Set up small goals for now. Clean up your room, sure. But take some time off as well. You do seem to have school all week. And do it consciously. No need to take time off begrudgingly and carry on with a bad conscience. If you feel bad for doing nothing set a small and easy goal to accomplish (like taking out the trash) and then take the day off.