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Life sucks ya know?

by beautifulsinner

after spending two months in the psych ward last year after attempting to kill myself, i thought that maybe hope isnt so false after all. i saw a little glimmer of it in the midst of my recovery. fast forward to this year, when i thought to myself, this is what being on the brink of relapse feels like, to actually let the thought of suicide cross your mind again. it was raining outside, and it was late at night, so i put on all black and went for a walk in the woods in the dark, sobbing, trying to justify why i shouldnt try and kill myself again. a man found me and talked with me until i stopped crying. that night was when i saw hope a second time. i guess because of those two instances i thought, wow, maybe i should give being hopeful a try. and so i did, but it fucked me over. i mean when shit is too good to be true, it really is, it always is. in the midst of my mental break down right now, i keep on asking myself the same question, why?

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Cause of Death: Suicide 2/12/2018 - 11:20 pm

A day without the thought of suicide must’ be like the greatest dream. I haven’t had one them days in 12 years

Remnant1994 2/13/2018 - 5:55 am

While I don’t have an answer to the “why” you and I ask (more often than normal probably), I can say I am very proud to see you holding on this long. You know, the woods are the only place I feel any inkling of peace. My soul is craving to go back amongst the green. Anyways…

Maybe the little glimpses of hope are the “recharges” we need, so we can continue to come back, share our story… let the others who walk among the darkness with us, grab our hands and remember, they aren’t alone on this journey…

beautifulsinner 2/15/2018 - 4:55 pm

i like the way you put that… thank you

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