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by miszion

I just want it to stop.

I don’t know what else to do or say. I just want this pain to stop so I can start living my life without feeling like, every day, that I should kill myself. I work so hard at my job and my mind still tells me I’m not good enough. I try my very best in school and my mind still tells me that I should just give up. I’m outgoing, I have friends, I know that my family loves me, but my mind still tells me that I’m completely alone and nobody cares.

I just want this to end, to go away, to leave me alone. I know I could be so great if my own mind and body weren’t fucking attacking me every day. if there were someone I was supposed to beg to, I would plead with every last bit of strength I have to just… please. let me live.

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8 comments

Hulk 2/5/2018 - 8:13 pm

Is there something you can do about it?

miszion 2/6/2018 - 4:52 pm

I try my hardest every day to keep my head up, I really do. it’s just that sometimes (or what feels like most of the time) the pain becomes stronger than the positive things going on for me.

Taf Taf 2/5/2018 - 9:44 pm

I think it’s all in your mind.The worst thing that you can do right now is to lose your hopes and give up.

miszion 2/6/2018 - 4:53 pm

maybe, but, the mind is a very powerful thing.

vieve 2/5/2018 - 11:44 pm

hey, miszion, I just read through all of your other posts. I wanted to say that they are beautifully written (even though that’s not the point). And I’m 23 too, and I’ve also been depressed since I was around 12/13.

I don’t know what to say right now; I’m physically and emotionally exhausted, but I wanted you to know that I read your posts and I care about you and I hope life gets better for you. I have so been there, begging and pleading and sobbing to who-knows-what higher power to get better or to make it stop or do SOMETHING. I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. God, I know what it’s like to be trying so damn hard only to get home at the end of day and still be tormented by your usual demons. It sucks. It sometimes makes it feel like it will never get better, since you’re already trying so hard. But please keep hanging in there. I have hope that things will improve for you.

miszion 2/6/2018 - 4:50 pm

thank you so much <3 and thank you for commenting on this to remind me that I'm not alone in this as well. it's hard to gauge everyone else's age on here so it's nice knowing there's someone in the same stage of life as myself right now.

you're so sweet. I hope everything is looking up for you, also.

mindlessgamer619 2/6/2018 - 12:49 am

I’m glad you’ve been trying, at least you’ve been trying.

Hang it there, and please take it a little easier on yourself. Commend yourself for trying as hard as you do everyday. I think that it’s amazing that you’re trying as best you can, despite all the bullshit.

miszion 2/6/2018 - 4:51 pm

I really do try to find that strength in acknowledging my successes, even the little ones. I hope all is well for you.

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