So just curious what ideas people might have about my situation

I started out in life with an addiction to electronics. From well before I New better. And therefore didn’t get a lot of social interaction. I also didn’t interact with family much. So long story short I wound up with a lack of experience couple with people reacting negatively to me. For far too long I stayed innocent clinging to it in the end feeling like letting go of it would be unbearable. Clung to silk imagination fantasy and refusal to accept and deal with reality. I was separated from all I knew due to acting out in frustration by prison. I wasn’t a murderer or rapist. I suffered the trauma of rape more than once which kinda said wake up this is reality and now I don’t want to live. I’m addicted to alcohol would do drugs and if the opportunity presented itself and if I felt I could get away with it I’d commit suicide but experience has taught me I can’t just go off Willy nilly because some stupid retarded thing will happen to get in the way. I don’t want to do this anymore. I cry for the child I still am inside.