The untold story of suicidal thoughts and voices

  February 27th, 2018 by Urm8451n

In the last month, I felt on a breaking point. I opened this site because  I had to write, for my own mental health. I had to put it all out. for fuck sake.

The untold story by many suicide attempts (and survivors) is what pushed them. Most of them (***) are talking about miss understanding the reality itself. I wish to ask them – how can you understand a reality where you have been the victim of abuse? How can you explain to yourself ” oh everything can be perfect” when each day is just you avoiding the damage?

I want to post here in this site the following: People (most of them)  kill them selves as a last way out. The most heartbreaking are stories of victims of abuse/bullying/rape, or perhaps they were in a bad health state.

The main idea is to come clean and say, there are reasons.  Maybe some are pretty fixable, and maybe some won’t be fixed, but will be less bad in the future. It depends on the human being, if he is ready to cope with them.

I don’t like that people ignore this fact. Let us all come clean and admit that life aren’t perfect. Every single person has its own shit. Why is it not being shown on facebook? Why is it being ignored?

Why people focus on god damn physical state (aka skinny and muscular) so much , but they don’t give a two damn shits about mental health? Your mind is an organ, keep it working, keep it up.

I’m optimistic. I’m focusing on the target and hoping to reach good places. I wish to be a good man, kind, and to overcome my struggles and depression or what ever this is.

It would be cool to know your opinions on the subject; Is reality fine? Maybe we need to admit everyone has problems and we have to know how to do the trade offs?

I’ve this inner voice in me, each freaking night. This inner  (**)voice tells me what I need and what I don’t have. Why do I crave so bad for those things?  Personally I think this is normal, and it is okay, but I don’t see people admiting it to me in person, and saying “yeah, I cry at nights too”. I’m a freaking man, I’m almost 21, and I’m crying some of the nights. I wish I had a dad, I wish I had things I don’t.  Those are wishes that will stay fantasy. But there is something that I can make a dream come true.

That dream is me saying to people “hey, I’m #### , and I’ve been depressed for a while.”…
“I had few breakdowns, didn’t talk with friends for long time…. I’m always smiling because I’m happy to live and I like you guys. But personaly, each night, I’m crying.”
That dream is me being a grown man, going and helping others.
That dream is me being a good dad.
That dream is me making foundation for single mothers, to help them raise their kids.
That dream is me succeeding at the university.

Got to go… won’t write anymore.

Stay strong, be brave, Yours – Jac.

*** as seen in youtube and other places, all those my suicide attempt speeches
** metaphorical speaking. I’m not actually hearing voices.

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