videos

without any warning, I just came across an archive of your old videos.

I sat here in shock for several minutes. I am afraid to click play. I am afraid to hear your voice again and watch you laugh again for the first time in almost two years. These are videos I have seen before but had since forgotten about them. I was having a relatively good day before the thumbnails of you babysitting your niece, you playing video games, and you with your friends at work appeared on my computer screen. I was doing a reading for school and you crossed my mind, as you do every day, and for the first time when I typed your name into the search bar, these videos resurfaced. I don’t know what to do with them. I can hear something that sounds like it might be your voice so far back in my head, like a small faint echo. And I want to hear more, I want the sound of you to fill my head again for the first time in almost two years, I want to hear your laughter as loud as the thunder that bellows outside right now. It’s going to break my heart all over again but god dammit, this is the closest I’ve felt to you in almost two years.

In 9 days it’ll be two years since you fell into your coma, the one you would never wake up from. So, who am I kidding? My heart is already broken and will be broken every every day for the rest of my life. I never imagined a world without you, but now I am forced to live in it.

Maybe I should go for a walk after work. Good thing I brought my umbrella.