My parents were actually on their very best behaviour the past few days. They were actually trying to be good to me for once (I refused to see them for the last 8 years or so). But I was sad, depressed and angry at my sister. So I sulked and isolated myself in my room. Wasn’t so much avoiding them as avoiding the whole world.
Anyway, I didn’t come out today (nor yesterday or the day before). I almost came out this morning but was tired so decided not to. They thought I was avoiding them. Well, this morning was the limit of their patience. They waited 2 days + plus this morning and when I still ignored them this morning on day3, they got angry and it’s now back to bad with them.
They know I don’t like them, especially because of all the shit they did in the past. I suppose I ought to forgive them, but I suppose I’m not there yet. I no longer hate them like I used to, but I still don’t feel comfortable being in a room with them and talking to them. They were on their best behaviour too, and actually trying to be good to me. They actually weren’t nagging or yelling at me at all. So I should’ve been better. But I was in a foul mood bc of sis. And because of that, I was in a foul mood with everyone.
Anyhow, I should’ve came out this morning and not screwed it up. Especially since they *were* actually trying for once. I’m middle-aged now and they’re old. I do want things to be better but all I know is to avoid them. Talking to them is still very awkward. My 3 other siblings have all sort of forgiven them. I’m the only one left.
2 on pretty good terms with them and 1 is at the “better” (or “tolerable”) stage. I feel kinda bad that I was bad the last few days (bad as in ignoring them, although I was ignoring the whole world not them specifically).
Well, everyone in the family is quick to anger so their patience ran out this morning. It’s hard being nice to a daughter who hates you.
Why didn’t I leave my room this morning? I literally *almost* did. All I had to do was walk out and see them. And I didn’t do that. And it’s too late to un-do it. Even if I walk out tomw, they know / will feel that I hate them. Which I kinda do but I didn’t show it the previous week because I wasn’t so grouchy and angry then (so they were better to me).
Well yeah, I totally effed up.
5 comments
Everyone in the family is quick to anger
I don’t think so. I might be younger than you but I will tell you this, your parents have a lot of patience. Two days they waited and behaved. They want your forgiveness. Give it to them before they leave. Regret is a very dangerous emotion. Don’t let yourself go through regret.
Rest is upto you to decide. I just spoke from what are read. But you are there, in it.
So, good luck!
Regret is a hard thing to live with. You can’t force yourself to love someone. If you can’t forgive your parents, don’t. But if you feel like you may have regrets then the time to act is now. Can’t change the past. You can change the future. Sometimes.
Well I haven’t forgiven them but all I had to do was step out the room and talk to them for a bit, and I didn’t. I stayed in the room for 2 days, I had gone out 2 days straight and that exhausted me, so for 2 days I went out then went straight to the room to sleep…in the afternoon. Didn’t come out for dinner both days. Day 3 is when I could’ve and should’ve stepped out, but I didn’t, and I was home all day and so were they. And they were leaving the next morning. They didn’t come wake me up to say goodbye.
I just feel bad because they were actually trying, literally the first time in like well my entire lifetime. They’ve never tried to be good to me before. So I wasn’t prepared to be nice back. And no, none of us has patience. I past their limit so it’s kinda back to bad again… They left without saying goodbye.
I understand about not being prepared. I could have jumped down a cliff once, but it was the first time that idea came and I wasn’t prepared.
Anyway, I guess now it’s your turn to be in their shoes. But tell them in advance that you will be nice to them, and ask them to be prepared. Lighten things up. And atleast give them as !uch time as they gave you, 2-3 days.
Good luck!