Because my life is mainly work or study.
I have financial issues…..My family isn’t sane.
My mom does poor financial choices and because of it I have to work harder.
I’m pretty alone 24/7 and the girl I really loved left me (but that was like 1.5 years ago so it is time to get over it). I guess not having a dad in my life isn’t making it easier.
But even tho I’m giving it all I can and doing the best I can. For some reason, I’m still sad at nights and have nightmares.
My inner dialogue is identical to the dialogue I heard as a child and teen. Critical, condescending, loaded with ridicule and scorn. This is my mind. It never stops. When your parents, siblings, teachers and acquaintances all repeat the same things to you during those impressionable years, it binds itself to your thought processes and plays, non-stop twenty- four seven, until. . .it is silenced.
The depression comes from believing it. Humans can destroy each other without the use of weapons. “The tongue is mightier than the sword.” Abso-flipping-lutely correct.
you explained my circumstances, i have really bad chronic pain and have suicidal thoughts because of it, i’m next to fibromyalgia because i have 4 spots on my body where i hurt all the time
Mm.. For me, people around me. Sort of. I have hard time make connections with friends and don’t have much of faith in people I guess. I love chat with people but the problem is they would not return the same effort. It make me feel unworthy and despressing.
Working and working and dealing with someone else’s problem as if it was mine, looking for solutions for each case, and having those clients not paying for my services.
What I mean is I deal with their problems and still have my own problems, like having nothing to eat while they travel, have fun sleep at night while I give them tranquility, security that their problems are being solved by someone extremely capable.
I’m always reluctant to finish my works, but once I start I don’t stop until it’s finished.
My depression comes from privation, I don’t like status I just want to be paid.
I also feelbfor them, coz my work is extremely expensive and they don’t even bother asking for the price.
In the end they will never ask for me tonwork for them ever again with the final price i have in mind.
There are many things. An abbusive father and a submisive mother, the isolation that I was submitted to in my early years, the complete lack of social skills, the pesimistic point of wiew about the world and people since I can remember, the fact that I’m gay and nobody knows and can know, the no-possibility of finding someone who’s interested on me because I’m ugly, fat and boring, the fact that I’m really bad in the only thing I know, so I’ll never find success. I guess all these things and many more have completely destroyed my self-stime and made not want to be alive anymore.
10 comments
Because my life is mainly work or study.
I have financial issues…..My family isn’t sane.
My mom does poor financial choices and because of it I have to work harder.
I’m pretty alone 24/7 and the girl I really loved left me (but that was like 1.5 years ago so it is time to get over it). I guess not having a dad in my life isn’t making it easier.
But even tho I’m giving it all I can and doing the best I can. For some reason, I’m still sad at nights and have nightmares.
My inner dialogue is identical to the dialogue I heard as a child and teen. Critical, condescending, loaded with ridicule and scorn. This is my mind. It never stops. When your parents, siblings, teachers and acquaintances all repeat the same things to you during those impressionable years, it binds itself to your thought processes and plays, non-stop twenty- four seven, until. . .it is silenced.
The depression comes from believing it. Humans can destroy each other without the use of weapons. “The tongue is mightier than the sword.” Abso-flipping-lutely correct.
I have poor health and chronic pain. And a past that’s hard to get rid of.
you explained my circumstances, i have really bad chronic pain and have suicidal thoughts because of it, i’m next to fibromyalgia because i have 4 spots on my body where i hurt all the time
I’ve been told it’s because I’m “butthurt” and everything is my fault. LOL.
The question has the same answer as the question, ‘what is the meaning of life?’
Most accurate answer possible: I dunno. Probably has to do with sporks.
See Monty Python.
Mm.. For me, people around me. Sort of. I have hard time make connections with friends and don’t have much of faith in people I guess. I love chat with people but the problem is they would not return the same effort. It make me feel unworthy and despressing.
Working and working and dealing with someone else’s problem as if it was mine, looking for solutions for each case, and having those clients not paying for my services.
What I mean is I deal with their problems and still have my own problems, like having nothing to eat while they travel, have fun sleep at night while I give them tranquility, security that their problems are being solved by someone extremely capable.
I’m always reluctant to finish my works, but once I start I don’t stop until it’s finished.
My depression comes from privation, I don’t like status I just want to be paid.
I also feelbfor them, coz my work is extremely expensive and they don’t even bother asking for the price.
In the end they will never ask for me tonwork for them ever again with the final price i have in mind.
There are many things. An abbusive father and a submisive mother, the isolation that I was submitted to in my early years, the complete lack of social skills, the pesimistic point of wiew about the world and people since I can remember, the fact that I’m gay and nobody knows and can know, the no-possibility of finding someone who’s interested on me because I’m ugly, fat and boring, the fact that I’m really bad in the only thing I know, so I’ll never find success. I guess all these things and many more have completely destroyed my self-stime and made not want to be alive anymore.