March 7th, 2018 by ourdarkestparadise

I doubt anyone will bother reading all of this.

I just feels good to rant

I hate life. I don’t get why I’m unhappy, my life isn’t that bad; way better than some. I hate the fact that i complain about so much when it could really be so much worse. Am i really that ungrateful? It makes me hate myself so much more. I should be happy. I shouldn’t want to die. But i do, i hate myself, i inflict pain on myself. I’m so much of a fucking failure i can’t even kill myself. I tried and i bloody failed. I’m such a fuck up i can’t even do that! What’s bloody wrong with me. Please someone kill me. I dont think i can do this.

I’m failing school, losing friends, my own mother told me she couldn’t love me because my mental health. I don’t care enough about anything besides one person and it ruins me that i hurt him so much because of the way i am. It kills me that i can’t be good enough for him. Why am i such a mess. Why can’t i do anything. I know i need help but i don’t want it, I’d rather die than get better. It would make everything so much easier.

I hate the person I’ve become, always unhappy and tired. Locking myself away from the world. Sitting in my dark depressing room. I’ve become a monster that i promised myself and others i would never be. I feel so broken, so empty. I don’t know what happened to me, it’s like one day something inside me snapped and now i just can’t do anything. Every aspect in my life is a mess. I never care enough, about school, myself, other people; i just can’t help but wonder whats the point of everything. I know I’m going to be a failure all my life, I’m struggling so much in school how am i meant to handle real life.

One day none of this will matter.



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