Always tired. Never can sleep.
Always lonely. Never wants to leave my home.
Always working. Never have any money.
Always around kids. Never can have any of my own.
Always needs. Never accepts.
I just needed a vent session so here it is.
I hate how I always do one thing and never the other. I’m always depressed never happy and it’s just super annoying. Most people say they can’t remember a time they were happy. Is bad that I feel bad that I can remember a time I was? I didn’t have a horrible childhood. I was adopted and my adoptive parents were and are amazing but they are also very christian which is fine I love anyone whatever their belief I accept a person for who they are not what they believe (I’m an atheist) however they homeschooled me. Which made me different, plus I was fat. Prime young preteen for the mean kids. They they found out I was adopted and they filled my head with how my real parents didn’t even want me. I know all that’s silly compared to the childhood others have endured but it still started my sadness, then at 17 bad things happened and I had 11 years of hell and bullshit that I was to weak and scared to get out of, but at 28 I finally took my life into my own hands and made a change for the better thinking that would make life better but here I am 32 and bad things are still happening, no matter where I go what I do, what life changes I make, something bad happens, things will be almost tolerable for a month or two then bam depression followed by something tragic cause humans are shitty, it’s just getting to be to much and idk how to deal anymore. I want it all to just be over.
6 comments
I love animals. I wanted another cat around new years and decided to check out a shelter. There was this handsome little white male kitty being all sweet and kissing me which is perfect for me. I just want a kitty that is lovey. I get him home and as always he hides the first few days. When he finally gets used to everything and starts hanging out he isn’t lovey. He is playful but of course. He is a teen kitty. Well I got all cuddly with him for the last 2 months, playing and feeding him a fish meal every day. He loves me and I love him but everything is turning upside down on me.
Long story short I’m about to be homeless again and living out of my car and I seriously doubt he would handle it well. Plus I can’t see me maintaining that situation well for him. He needs room to play and even another kitty to play with.
So here I am full of depression and anxiety. Feel nauseous and dizzy. Don’t know what to do or how but one thing I do know is he will be alright and so will I. I would like to believe he would be alright in the car with me but I just don’t really believe that.
My whole point is that bad things don’t ever stop happening. I’m 38. Not much older than you and I have always had it the same. Bad things either because of others or a mistake.
You just need something to hold onto. One special thing to help you feel like trying because good isn’t promised but bad is. We have to work and at times get lucky to see good but bad is always waiting.
I hope this doesn’t depress you further.
It is possible to find someone or something that makes it all worth it though. You seem like a really special person and I believe you will find what you need soon.
I try and hold on to someone has to be ok with me some day but i usually tend to become the “friend” because I’m a girl but I 100% act like a guy the only girly thing about me is I do my makeup And most guys will say they love that but when it comes to they want a frilly girl who likes girly things and I just don’t and they find me intimidating or I become one of the guys it also doesn’t help that I’m 6ft apparently tall girls aren’t a thing?
It didn’t make me more depressed to read this, i do wish I could help you not have to live out of your car. I know bad things happen it’s inevitable and most of the things that happen to me are on me I don’t think about safety or I trust people. I’m sorry about your cat but if he’s declawed and it’s not cold where you are he wouldn’t mind living out of your car with you. Much love. And i hope things start going better for you.
6ft huh? That’s awesome! My first girlfriend was 6ft or so. I’m 5’10 or better..lol It’s a problem many people have with conforming to society’s standards. It seems guy’s especially have this problem. ‘This is what a man is’ ‘This is what tough is’ etc. I never quite understood all that.
I’m choosing to live out of my car for a while. It will actually be quite nice. I was homeless for so long when I was younger and I walked everywhere this will be a blast. I love driving. I drive fast with my music loud. I had sooooo much fun driving in the mountains last year. I kind of miss it. Now i will be on the west coast again and it’s so beautiful out there. I’ll be okay.
I was worried about my kitty but I found a wonderful person that loves cats and has a few that wants him. I think he will end up so much happier with other cats to play with. He was happy in the shelter 2 months ago. He is happy with us but not as happy so…But it is working out.
You can always e-mail me at Lifeisasewer@gmail.com
Sad to hear bro.
You said things get better for a month or two. Lucky you.
Everyday, things around me happen that remind me of my pain. The same lines you wrote above.
Just wishing you peace.
I wish you peace too. Maybe one day things will turn around for all of us?