I have no friends. Nobody cares, if I was starving or if I was in mourning
Blood dries up. Tears do too. I have nothing, & no one cares, or is even wondering.
I hate myself enuff to cry about it daily.
I love them all so much, they’re the only pains that faze me.
I want it to be over soon. So there will be less pain.
But, my pain grows, & what was strong weakens with each day.
I’m a failure for my past, & yet each day I really try.
By the day’s end, to the distant moon I cry.
Filling the holes of my heart as I sleep;
My dreams of us, are all that steady me.
I’d settle for a fone call, I’d like to get a card.
Yet I am here alone, a piece of nothing in no one’s heart.
I know I will lose my mind. I hold no key, I have no time.
I spare all besides my life, I am no hero, I am the crime.
I wondered.. so I said it, then found it was true.
That day my world crumbled; I hate seeing things the way that I do.
Soon it will hurt them, as it once did hurt me.
But. I won’t be here to care. Even if I appear to be.
You will forget my smile, you will no longer know my face.
My voice will ring through your mind, & then be gone; No warning. No trace.
You’ll claim to have memories. That we were “good friends”..lol.. it’s”a diss”
My funeral is “MY goodbye!” You can keep your tantrum fits.
I won’t be a dream, a transfered thought barely a hazy memory.
Sad sad sad, how i cared about their lives; & their lives forgot about me.
Moments deceived my hopes when I was excited for conversion,
But, an asteroid would hit the earth as I was avoided for every situation.
I needed a heart to care about me outside of my husband and kid.
Family was busy, broke, or working, while not handful with parties with their friends.
Friends were busy, broke, or out of town and so I had no desire to pester THEM.
If a tiny minute could’ve been when we may have had a chat…
I wonder would THEN you remember if I ever even laughed.
Who was my favorite country singer?
What food did I like to cook?
Who was my favorite poet? Ok, maybe you know if I had a favorite book?
Oh, you will tell your friends you knew me. Say to people “I’ll tell you all about her!”
But, the TRUTH is you never called, wrote, text messaged, or thought or cared.
You CAN’T tell anyone of me, or my grieving, or my despair?
My daily rituals of wake up, miss her, then to fail. Are over now, & you all have prevailed.
But, did you really?….
Did you ever wonder, hope, think or care for anyone other than your friends?
Can you tell me the last message you sent me? Or when?
Can you tell everyone again, how we were “always together” or “she could laugh all night!”
Lie about how “she had my shoulder..”, or “she could’ve called me! I don’t know why….”
Tell them how “nobody liked her when she was drunk…..she was mean!”
Or Lie & tell how “she never gave up the drink!”
Because she can’t tell you now how she did, & was STILL seen as a CHILD.
She wanted to go out, but no one ever arrived.
It wasn’t something she liked about herself, she never liked to beg.
But even when she needed help, no one came in the end.
Worrying about the world & wut whose children will grow to teach their own.
She was worrying about the world, while the world left her alone.
She’s not worried anymore, she’s not sad, she not alone.
Baby is with Daddy. And now Momma is at peace & forever near, & all her pain is gone.
No more tears, no more frowns to see, no more sad Momma. You all deserve to be happy.
So do I.