I don’t know how to communicate what I’m feeling to my partner. We haven’t spent time away together for over a year and getting her to commit to something is just more energy than I have. I don’t want to struggle through this anymore. I don’t want to do anything. a part of me would rather be dead than deal with this stupid conversation one more time. I just feel broken. Like nothing matters. Like I don’t matter. I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know if this will work. I don’t know if I want to even be with anyone. I’m so tired. Maybe I should just foster a child on my own and call it a day. I can build my life around that. But should I make that commitment knowing that I still think about dying many days. Would they even let me? I’m drained. To many possibilities, not enough options. God, please see it fit to kill me. I’ve survived for so long. Give me nothingness.