I made it as long as I think I can..

  March 14th, 2018 by scottflorida

I came here a year ago as close as I have ever come. I tried to OD, kindof…you know what I mean but the will to survive stopped me from going all the way. I tried to hold on, fought but its not going to get better. I have tried to understand and cope with what my wife of 28 years wants but I can’t. My health gets worse and she just isn’t going to be there for me. She “didn’t sign up for it” I guess our vows meant only if we both stay healthy but whats done is done. Every ounce of trust is gone, shes had numerous affairs, seeing someone now and thinks I can stay at home while she “gets her life back”. I wish I had that option but the hurt is so severe inside, it literally causes my heart to go into AFIB and I end up at a hospital. I cant cry anymore. I cant handle the physical pain alone anymore. I just want it over and praying that I can find the strength to end my life finally. I think I am almost there but I wanted to thank those that talked to me a year ago. It helped during that time and I took some of the advice. Sadly this time no advice or anything I do is going to change anything. I just hurt so bad inside all the time I cant even smile or laugh anymore. I hope this journey in the afterlife really is there and hopefully it’s peaceful without all the pain. Ive lived thru enough in this life. Peace to everyone

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