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I’m just tired

by wanted85

I had such migraines lastnight that I was throwing up (bonus on that maybe I lost some weight) and they’re not leaving today either all the pressure all day plus not to much sleep maybe an hour or two and I just feel like bitching about it. I’m tired of always being tired, I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired of the pain. Can I just have a day where I don’t feel anything? My ma keeps asking why I’m crabby today. I’m really not though I’m just not pretending to be happy. And then I got a message from one of my friends (who’s really not my friend just someone I hookup with on occasion) asking why I’m avoiding him, and I said I’m not I’m working over night all week and he’s being all moody about it and is now mad at me now. I feel bad that he’s mad even though there’s nothing I can do to change it. I’m just tired I need some relief but I won’t drink cause I refuse to do that when I am working just cause I work with kids. I was contemplating just making a few cuts to relieve my stress but If I cut to deep n need stitches I don’t have any of that with me, and I won’t be home till Sunday. Again just bitching about nothing and everything. Side note I read a post today that said someone commits suicide every 40 seconds, so every 40 seconds I count out I think that could be me, but I don’t have the balls to do it. Cause I care to much about how other people feel and I don’t want to upset anyone. Stupid brain.

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12 comments

Stefan1984 3/13/2018 - 2:27 pm

Some days are worsse than others. I exactly knwo what you feel. I feel suicidal every day for the last 8 years, but some days are “better” then others. On some days everyone seems to want something from you, while you are in pain and feel sick and life just goes on and on.
I will never be the one to say life is worth living, cause i don’t feel it myself. But sometimes it just feels nice to write it all down, to know others readd it and understnad what you are going through.
I hope your day will go fst, the advantage of every bad day is it will end. and maybe tomorrow is slightly better.
And try to forget about that boy. if he is not a real friend, he’s not worth worrying about it.

wanted85 3/13/2018 - 8:59 pm

Worst part of days is they turn to nights and nights last longer, cause they don’t have things to keep me busy.
I’m trying to not let the fact that a dude is mad bother me but I don’t like when anyone is mad at me for any reason. I could step on someone’s toe on accident and it will make me upset. I don’t like inconveniencing anyone for any reason. :/

OnlyFurther 3/13/2018 - 10:36 pm

I understand.
I don’t want to hurt anyone either.

flutterby 3/13/2018 - 4:38 pm

For migraines I like to hum really loud (trying to really vibrate your whole head from your throat) while rubbing my temples or rubbing about 2 inches behind the ear under the base of your skull. It’s not a perfect solution but it is some nice relief for as long as you do it. I find if I do it for longer the better chance at my migraine going away.

If you have fingernails a great way to self harm without cutting is them. Dig em deep into your sternum or into your palms. Where ever. I used to put my fists against a wall and just push really hard like I’m trying to knock it down while screaming. As a matter of fact screaming is a great way to relieve some stress rather than cut but it sure doesn’t work with a migraine.

wanted85 3/13/2018 - 9:04 pm

Thank you flutterby <3 I have a headache 24/7 it’s cause of a vein that’s messed up in my head not really anything I can do to make it go away I’ll take morphine and that takes the edge off.
And I don’t self harm for the pain. I do it for the vision. Something about bleeding that calms me. I know sick and grotesque.

flutterby 3/13/2018 - 11:07 pm

Not at all. Any intelligent person would understand exactly what you mean.

I am the same.

a1957 3/13/2018 - 5:44 pm

I am amazed you can live with the depression, migraine, and pressure all at the same time. I know you do, but I cannot even imagine it.

My brain doesn’t want put anyone in a bad spot by kicking off at the fortieth second either. Sure would be nice tho. I keep questioning if I am really all that important to them, and it seems I am. Damn it.

wanted85 3/13/2018 - 9:05 pm

Some days it’s more difficult than others. I sometimes wish I didn’t have people that cared about me it would make ending it so much easier.

flutterby 3/15/2018 - 2:32 am

I care about you and I want you to know that if you ended it, I would be happy for you.

spectralgiraffe 3/13/2018 - 6:14 pm

I’m sorry about the migraine
I’m tired of pretending to be happy. This might sound weird because on another post I mentioned I am happy, but that is because of one person. Doesn’t mean that everyone makes me happy. Most people don’t. I’m not evil but I have days where I wish I had superbeing strength and could bulldzoe everyone away.
If it were possible to be truthful about stuff without being judged left right and centre, then life would be easier, I think.

wanted85 3/13/2018 - 9:08 pm

So much the same I will some days fake the flu so I can stay in my bed and not have to talk to anyone. I’ll take sleeping pills wake up take more and go back to sleep and usually end up sleeping for two days straight. Those are my favorite days cause I don’t have to worry about anyone else’s feelings and I can wallow is self pity. Sometimes the nightmares get to me but it’s better to cry and freak out at them alone than deal with keeping up a fake smile for others

spectralgiraffe 3/15/2018 - 1:47 am

I used to have quite frequent nightmares. Now I don’t have very many. They consisted of earthquakes, cyclones. I had this recurring one of ‘not being able to wake up and move’ or ones where I was scared of my ceiling fan also recurring ones of me moving upwards to the fan while i’m in bed, being very close to it, thinking i’d get chopped up sometimes soon.

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