My friendship is going to shit along with my energy, mentality and grades. I got an A- and B+ last semester. Now my family has done away with another friend.
I f*cking can’t stand how much I loathe them for finding new ways to make me unstable. Kicking me out after my parents divorce and backing it up with lies. My sister slept with my friend and lied about it, they start a relationship and after she broke up with him, he wouldn’t come over so we started drifting. Still friends, but more distant. Same time, my step sister hooks up with my best friend and then later they break up, and banished from dad’s the same week as my sister and my friend. Then my step sister hooks up with my best friend again a year later (she’s sex-positive and polyamorous) and banishes him again because he told a joke that offended her.
I don’t know if I should dump my friend of 20+ years because it seems whatever I have is just something my sisters take and dispose of. I don’t have money to go out all the time to see my friend. I am invisible in this. It’s hard having chronic pain, and it’s hard having romantic relationships on top of that when you’re gay- my friends mean everything to me. My family has seen me kicked out over 6 times post-divorce and I was made to feel homeless. I deal with religion all over again with a step-mom that believes in conversion therapy and shares Kim Davis beliefs that I should never be able to marry.
I was already suicidal with this horrible pain, and now I feel totally alone. I don’t even want to try because it’s all amounted to so much wasted effort. Theres so much to elaborate but bottom line, f*ck everyone and especially my family. I can’t wait to die, I really can’t.