Letter 1: To my Stepfather

I don’t know why, but you never seemed to give two sh*ts about me. You always cared about yourself and always expected everyone else to be perfect. No one ever measured up to your high standards. You always thought you were right about everything and that your way of doing things was the only way. You were a coward and a bully, my personal tormentor all these years. My very first memory of you was not one of a loving father, it was of you taking personal enjoyment for beating me over something that wasn’t even my fault. I tried so hard over the years to make you happy, for you to be proud of me, to avoid any of the pain you caused me. I lived in constant fear of you and remember times when I was younger where I would bury report cards for fear of being abused. Too many times throughout my life I would be abused by you just for telling the truth because it wasn’t what you wanted to hear. So I learned to lie to try and avoid your anger. But even that never worked. All I ever wanted from you was your love, to feel like you cared, to make you proud. I just wanted you to encourage me, to help guide me, to give me the emotional support I needed. But all I received was pain, physical abuse, being called a r*tard, that I would never amount to anything. Well, at least you were right about the last one. I never did amount to anything. I’m 40 years old and a complete failure because all I ever did was try and make you happy and tried to do whatever you wanted, but I never found my own happiness. But in a few days I’ll at least find peace.