Hi Everyone, I am cutting again
I was 3 months free (I know, huge deal), but I lost control this month. After opening my heart for someone after 6 years of fear and loneliness, the same thing happened, they rejected me.
I am the problem. I get it now.
I am mixing some meds and cutting my thighs, breasts and some random parts of my body that I’ve never cut before. My cuts keep me company, they remind me I am still alive, and they also fill the emptiness inside of me.
It’s the end of summer here, so it’s hot, which sucks, but fall is coming and I’ll be able to wear my pants and long sleeves again. Looking forward to that.
3 comments
Please don’t hurt yourself.. there are other ways to help cope with emotions.
I’m sorry that they hurt you. They’re stupid and careless. I wish I could show you that you’re worth so much more than them.
It’s crazy how much pain you can feel when you open your heart to love. You expect happiness but instead feel a wave of rejection and misery. But I know them leaving your life is for the better. They’re not meant to hold your heart. And you’ll meet a person match in the future and won’t ever think about those jerks ever again. They won’t even be worthy of your thoughts. You’ll be too happy to care, living a great life with a great soulmate.
I thought your name seemed familiar, and it turns out you’ve been a member here since 2013. That’s funny because, that’s when I joined.
Stay strong Amy. And my email is devinbelver@yahoo.com if you ever want to talk 🙂
Sorry to hear that you relapsed, that sucks :/ .
But super proud of you for staying clean for 3 months.
If you want another person to talk to let me know, or check my previous SP posts where I added contact info.
I feel like we may have had at least some similar experiences / struggles.
You have to realize that not everyone, is a match for everyone. Sometimes we are just not a good fit and it only takes one, to decide that. Only when two, both, decide to try to make something special with the other, is there a chance of success and love.
I’ve lost count of the names and faces I have been through, looking for a deep and lasting love. But the one thing I have learned is that there is never a chance to succeed unless we both have what we consider ‘the big things’ in common. I look for someone for whom love is a priority too, as well as a short list of my own personal quirks that I know are a must. But I keep that list short so that the door remains open. And above all else, I stay patient as I look for the right soul to match mine.
A comedian once said “I’d rather be lonely than miserable”. Truer words were never spoken, be patient my friend. And have hope and faith in the love inside you. Someone will eventually see it, and life will turn to joy.