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Not sure what to say?

by NotGoneSoonEnough

Most people looking into my life would think I have everything, A happy marriage, 4 beautiful children, a good education and a decent job but….. My happy marriage is anything but happy. We’ve been together 15 years, literally half my life. He says he loves me but his actions prove otherwise. He recently reported me to police saying I was selling the pain meds I got from a doctor. Not true. Well, now police are saying I could go to prison for 20 years. I can’t prove I didn’t do this but Florida law says just having a script filled is trafficking. For the past month, I just go through the motions waiting for the day the police will come to haul me off to jail. I feel like I’m in a fog I cant find my way out of. I’ve cut off all contact with my so-called “friends” I have even stopped talking to most of my family. They don’t care. I’ve never felt so alone in my life. I try to think positively but end up finding it pointless. I know everyone will be better off without me. I’m just a burden to them. I’m never happy. I want to spend time with my kids but I find myself pushing them away. I already have a plan to end it and all the supplies I need, I’m just deciding on a place and time. More than likely I will get a hotel on the beach somewhere. I will watch the waves until I drift peacefully off. I’ve written down all my family’s favorite recipes and wrote many letters to each of my children to be open on certain days in the future, such as birthdays, weddings, babies and so on. There is only one letter to my husband, thanking him for doing absolutely nothing while he watched me sink into this deep depression. I don’t blame him really, He doesn’t love me anymore, so as a result, he doesn’t notice. it wont matter soon anyway.

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15 comments

flutterby 3/20/2018 - 5:46 pm

I feel like this a lot. It can be very overwhelming to be in a dead relationship. Like you cant breathe.

Foundhappiness 3/20/2018 - 6:34 pm

and what got him to accuse you of that?

I don’t feel as though you are telling us all……

NotGoneSoonEnough 3/20/2018 - 8:46 pm

He was mad at me for god only knows what. He knows my sister does pills so I guess he assumed.

born loser 3/20/2018 - 6:34 pm

How is having a prescription consider is as trafficking in florida? Isn’t having a prescription from a dr. legal?

NotGoneSoonEnough 3/20/2018 - 8:47 pm

Having a prescription is legal. It’s something about the amount of pills you received.

born loser 3/20/2018 - 9:16 pm

If that’s the case why did your dr prescribe you over the legal limit?

spectralgiraffe 3/20/2018 - 8:21 pm

I don’t really understand..

NotGoneSoonEnough 3/20/2018 - 8:48 pm

only thing to understand is I got betrayed by the one person I’m supposed to be able to trust no matter what.

a1957 3/20/2018 - 9:34 pm

Sounds like you need an attorney

Stefan1984 3/21/2018 - 4:43 am

What amazes and frustrates me deeply is that on a site about suicide people are not trying to comfort eachother but are judgign eachother.
The point is indeed her husband betrayed her. Even if she had sold pills that’s beyond annything a friend or husband should do. Now she even didn’t sell pillls it’s even more awful of him. If peopel on sites like this aren’t able to show more than judgmental or doubtfull replies they could better not reply, it will only make the starter of the topic feel more misserable.
Is there real no ay out of it? Would yo also commit suicide when police believes you?

NotGoneSoonEnough 3/21/2018 - 12:09 pm

Thank you for your reply. I wasnt going to even return to this site because it wasnt what i thought it would be. Sadly there is no other way out. Even if police weren’t involved i am still stuck in a loveless marriage that I have tried to get out of many times. Each time hes done something like this. He will do anything to make my life a living hell.

Stefan1984 3/21/2018 - 12:40 pm

@notgonesoonenough: if you wnat to talk you can always email me: dick(at)deds.nl replace (at) with the sign used in all mailaddresses. It seems impossible to talk here without hateful or judgmental interuptions by other suicidal people that seem to feel better when they can write hateful things to others in the same situation. I once thought hell would be a place full of people that understand eachother becuse they all failed and ended up at teh bottom: what a mistake, even peopel that feel worthless re able to push eachother even deeper.
I hope you find peace notgonesoonenough, i hope you will not end up in jail i think even suicide is better than suffering 20 years unguilty in jail.

NotGoneSoonEnough 3/21/2018 - 1:58 pm

@foundhappiness Well Geez I never thought of that!! I guess everything will be fine now.
@stefan1984 Thank you so much

Stefan1984 3/21/2018 - 2:08 pm

I hope to see an email from you soon: dick@deds.nl is my emal address. I hope i can give you some support in your last period on earht.

msol25 3/21/2018 - 7:27 pm

I cant find the words to say but to stay strong believe I hope you find it within yourself you don’t deserve someone like him even if you love this person you have to love yourself enough to be happy Leave I know is harder to say then to act by why stay when he has prove to you he don’t feel the same find someone out there that will care because life is short

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