Rambling reflections on a loss of self

  March 13th, 2018 by equi

So much time has passed now,
so many lives have faded,
so many selves have come and gone.
So many sleepless nights…wanting, waiting, wasted
Why have I taken this life?
This sloth existence
The world turns – never ending
My world full of failures – collapsing
I am me, my life is not and I am left wanting
Always craving more
Damned to mediocrity
Take me now, show me who I should be, show me who I have always been
Rip away the facade, the faces
Stripped and naked soul – my soul
Show me
Desperation sets in now..panic, obscurity
Stop the world from turning
Stop mine from ending
Begging now…pathetic, broken
Suffocating on meager minds and an undeserving waste of life
Searching for clarity, direction, an open door, a new path to a new life
A reason for existence
Jealous of your lack of wanting…craving, desperation
Where is your anguish, your pain, your heartache?
Why can’t I be your way?
To have these thoughts,
Demons that feed on my soul,
Dreams that haunt my waking days,
A mere ghost of a former self, a shell of who I used to be.
Gone are my days, my accomplishments,
Sucked all into the abyss of life, loss, lies, heartache – old beyond my years and living on borrowed time
Over now…done, finished, GONE
Isn’t this what I’ve always wanted…?

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