*sigh* This day has gone off to a shitty start

  March 30th, 2018 by BrokenAngel8

Nothing like waking up to my sister screaming and crying on the phone. *sighs* so much for a nice day off of sleeping in.
The situation with my sister on the other hand is an entirely different tale. The count is 4 fights now in the past week. I feel like I’m starting to get through to her that I don’t like how she treats me. But yet nothing ever really changes. No matter how many times I stand up for myself it seems like the only one getting hurt is me. I actually had my mom even admit to me that she even couldn’t control my sister her youngest daughter.

This is a letter I sent to my mom of what started the original fight.
Also this stays between us. But what started the arguement was I was trying on my yuri cosplay upstairs and actually feeling good about myself for once. When she made an extrmley rude comment and asked me how much I paid for the jacket and then started telling me about how I should cancel me and my partners vacation and how much of an stupid ***** I am. Just because I havent paid her back yet. then she started yelling at me about the phone thing. I am seriously tempted once I give her the money for the first ticket to tell her to shove the 2nd one and tell her to sell it to someone else. Because I am tired of her shit. She has been a psycho ever since she went off those anti-depressant meds before and refuses to get help. I know it and you know it! The problem is most of the people in this household dont have the guts to admit. I know shes trying to self medicate. I’ve been doing it for years. Not only is it a bad idea and its not for everyone. I dont really have the option or the finances to go to therapy. She still does and maybe she can finally snap out of it. Its just a theory but this is what I believe.

I know this letter might of come off as a little harsh. trust me I  watched my moms reaction she just sat there in silence for a few minutes before looking at me and went back to what ever she was doing before on the computer. The thing is I do have the money . The thing is shes been such a snarky ***** to me that I refuse to give her the money until she starts acting nicer. It hurts me cause when I graduated from school in college in December 2018 If the situation the same or worse than it is now I do plan on cutting her out of my life.

Which hurts me cause there is a part of me that hates her for how much pain and hurt shes caused me.   and then there is another part of me that thinks of her as that little sister I held in the hospital the day she was born to the girl who I thought for a few years would always be my best friend  when I was going through some of the roughest times in my life until everything changed into the person she is today and I hate it. I hate the monster shes become and from the earlier part of the post it looks like nothing is going to change anytime soon.

This is how bad it truly is before I was forced to stop going to my therapist she told me this once to my face but I didn’t really believe her at first till what happened recently. Her exact words and I quote I think I know the two main triggers of your depression and anxiety is getting so stressed from school and working two part time jobs and your sister who is  at this point and time is a serious hazard to your mental health.  It wouldn’t be wise to cut her off at this point but when you get out on your end it maybe wise to do so.

It finally feels good to be writing all of this out. I mean I really can’t tell anyone in real life but at least its safe on this website to talk.

Happy Easter Guys! If I don’t post on here again till after.

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