I feel like I have it all right now… I’m free of my emotionally abusive ex, I have an incredible new man in my life, I’m going to my dream school, have incredible friends… but god I’m tired. I’m failing two of my classes, I think about my ex… not in a “I still love him way” because I don’t. I don’t love him anymore. It’s just, like, what did I do wrong? Am I going to fuck up my current relationship because of my plethora of mental illnesses? I still have no idea why he loves me… and I’m tired of second guessing myself and god I’m so tired of wanting to die all the fucking time. I’m tired of people trying to tell me what I should do and that I’m just ‘tired’ or ‘lazy’ because I’m not. I just want to die, you know? And my love is shipping out in December and I just can’t handle it… I love him so much already and I know he’s going to take my heart with him when he goes and I keep imagining a future with him and I want it so fucking bad I want the stupid white picket fence and the cute house and chickens and cooking breakfast with him in the morning and all I can think about is how those four years are going to go by and hes going to fall in love with someone else and kiss someone else and think of her name when he wakes up and fucking hell it hurts me to my very core. But I just want him to be happy. I want him to find an incredible woman and push me to the back of his mind. I want him to fall in love with someone worthy of him and have an incredible fucking life. That’s really all I want. And I want my mom to not get early onset alzheimers and stop drinking so fucking much and have my dad not be so fucking angry and my friend to not think about how she was raped and not have social anxiety everywhere I go and I just want to have something be a little easier. I know I’m complaining and I’m sorry…
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6 comments
Hello Take a Deep Breath,
Sorry about the Drama, nothing wrong with complaining, everyone is complaining about something. “and chickens” LOL
Hey Rocket Man long time no see! Yes I am a wholesome chicken fanatic haha
Hi nice to see you too! I like Chicken’s too!
I dream of the day when a chicken can cross the road without his motive being questioned.
yeah still corny as hell! 🙂
if he loves you, it’s for a reason. just keep faith that he does see something in you.
and yes, long distance relationships have a reputation of having strain. and sometimes people break up. that can happen anyway. maybe you’re ex pops up because something reminds you of him? anyway it’s natural for someone who was once a big part of your life to stick with you for a time after, even if the time was less than ideal.
even if you eventually split with this man, it doesn’t mean you wouldn’t be able to find someone different to fall in love with either. yeah you have mental issues but that doesn’t mean you aren’t worth it. same for having trouble with school work, that happens.
December is awhile a ways yet, anyhow. you still have time together, the future will get here in its own time and just try to deal with what happens when it does instead of worrying over things that aren’t guaranteed.
i didn’t really see it as complaining.
Thank you. Yeah my breakup with my ex happened Thanksgiving of 2017 so it’s still pretty fresh. And you’re right- I really just need to focus on the time I have with him now and see where the cards fall in due time. I just get so stuck in my own head… helps to get all the shit down on paper, you know?
Thank you. Yeah my breakup with my ex happened Thanksgiving of 2017 so it’s still pretty fresh. And you’re right- I really just need to focus on the time I have with him now and see where the cards fall in due time. I just get so stuck in my own head… helps to get all the shit down on paper, you know?