currently not in a good place

i have definitely found out that i am not made for this life. i have absolutely 0 good qualities about me. i am truly extremely below average in everything i do, i will never contribute to society positively. my work ethic is shit because im usually too deep into my own self wallowing to do anything. really, im just a worthless human. i want to kill myself, but there’s no way i can do this without hurting the people close to me. is there anyway i can give myself some terminal disease? it would be easier on my loved ones right? they’d have some sort of closure? i just really really wish i could be killed in some sort of accident, like hit by a bus, or accidentally falling off a high structure. but i guess you can’t change your own fate huh. i just couldn’t hurt these people. it’s just so difficult. why did i have to be born, i didn’t ask for this shit. its all fucking pointless.