I smile often when I’m in public. A strong clear smile.
I laugh loudly as well. So loud you could hear from a hundred miles.
With this I attempt to conceal. To present a false sense to the ones I love.
The people who’s opinions I do wish to preserve.
I try to conceal, not only for me, but also for them.
I do not want to cause them much suffering by knowing me.
I do not want my illness to spread like a plague to them and the heavens.
So I conceal, I hide, I smile, I laugh, I dance, I distract, I please, I HIDE.
Am I the only hidden one?
3 comments
Sometimes I wonder this too! If I’m the only one who faked being so happy or if many around me are doing the same
Pretending to be ok is exhausting as heck.
It’s sad…because we do not hide to appease others as much as out of a need for a sense of belonging. Through experience, those afflicted by depression or mental health issues quickly learn that people (outside of paid psychologists) do not have the capacity or patience to repeatedly listen to someone’s depressive venting…something they cannot understand or fathom. Relating to the populous then feels bad when they tell us to ‘cheer up’ or ‘whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,’ because we acknowledge they simply don’t understand what we’re going through and they’really looking for a quick fix to get us to stop droning on about what they perceive as self-pity. So the options are…1. be who you are, express what you need to express to be in a healthy mindset, and simultaneously have no one that wants to be around to listen/be dragged down by your mood/feel uncomfortable about not knowing what to say or 2. just fake it, bottle up the depression and frustration that accompanies it, and at least have human beings around you to help you not feel so isolated (which also will eventually lead to feelings of being utterly fake, hollow, and resentfulness for not being able to be yourself).
This is the lose/lose you were addressing.