It seems I’m going to do this.

April 16th, 2018by shatterediris

I’m eyeing this blade that I pulled out of a pencil sharpener…. It sucks, I hate it and it sucks, it just doesn’t do enough for me. I tossed pretty much everything else I have into the trash a long time ago and never really bought anything back, my xacto blade broke so badly and is so dull that it can’t even do anything anymore, it’s just a dull piece of metal so all I have is this little blade from a pencil sharpener, hey at least my xacto served me one last time by unscrewing the scree on that pencil sharpener that the screwdriver wouldn’t fit, I should thank it for that. Meh I’m rambling again.

I’m really considering doing this, even if all I have is this stupid little thing, I’m sure well I know it can do enough to scar at least, but last time I didn’t cut deep enough when I tried this because I am a little ***** and was too afraid to really put effort into it. But I should I know I should, I need a scar there, I know it I know that I deserve it, I’m a horrible person and I deserve to have a fucked up face, it’s not fucked up enough yet, I tried before and it’s pathetic and barely noticeable I guess I was afraid of living a life with a face as bad as my hands are, but I need to stop being a little ***** about it and just keep trying, with enough dedication I can do it. I hate that I’m slowly falling back into cutting…. I haven’t really done much on my arms though since restarting, they didn’t really feel anything and they’re already ruined, being covered in scars, and I can hide those scars, sure they’ve already ruined my life to some extend but not enough not as much as I need them to, I can’t really hide facial scars. Maybe this will help drive the few people away then I can finally stop having reasons to be alive.

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