More motivated…..

My heart is on the floor around, and the sickness that has haunted me all my life, is taking a human form.

She [the sickness/disease ]  is crawling to my knees to keep it’s weight on me, she doesn’t want me to move forward. At this time all I can make, is thoughts.

At times like these I like to gather my self into a greater form. I like to heal the wounds by giving them reasons and justifications – I’m walking alone, but I’m the one who is paving the path. Healing the woulds is something to be done with mind only.

But….

but the wounds keep coming through the broken damn;

my mom is suffering, there is no extra penny in the house, my studies are at a question of financing. Will I succeed this semester? will I have the strength? the will? could I overcome? My brother is in fears. I crave for relationship….

My stomach hurts….. this damn disease. I am losing my weight, losing my form. From a muscular guy, I’m turning into thin sheets of ice – I feel so invisible next to the mass of people walking next to me. I feel like any extra weight, will cause me to break… break into tears.

I’m comforted by the idea of having best friends, but those are never there…… I watch the old cartoons for the feels of innocence, but innocence never exist in my head..

So all I have as a company, is my sickness, who crawls to my knees and hold me on, pulling me to the floor. She doesn’t know, that she actually is the reason for me to fight.

She is the reminder of the clock, my time is ticking….

She wakes my eyes, and let me re adjust – What good for are goods when none of them is the right treatment?

Why should I bury my eyes in sunglasses, if I can use my time for seeing the joy of life?

Why would I only focus on the struggles when I can focus on my ability to overcome them?

I feel fulfilled when I’m paving my path – and if that is where I find comfort.

Then my sickness can hold as much as she wants, but she is coming with me.

I might be alone on this phylum, but I will always be alive.

Alive, and motivated.

Stay strong, Be brave

Yours for ages – Jac.