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The Voice

The voice follows me home
And watches me sleep
It will wake me at inopportune times
To shout insults at me
It shouts that I am mental, schizophrenic, manic
When I am having an ok day
The voice will follow me into my dreams
And rape me
It shows me its sick pleasures
Laid out in imagery
To the point where I am sometimes
In sleep paralysis
The voice leaves me in tremors
The voice makes me harm myself
In ways I can’t repair
(The voice has forced me to attempt to break my own neck
I thought a broken neck killed you
I only fractured it and now I have a fucked up neck)
And harm the home I am staying in
The voice makes it so I can’t repair the damages the voice made me cause
The voice reminds me every time I look at the damage
The voice changes the shape of my goals
Until they are out of reach
The voice tells me my goals are sh*t
And I’ll never be able to reach them
I believe the voice
Every time I hear the voice or remember the voice
I reach for a cigarette to harm myself some more
But the voice cannot exist without me

The voice chose me when I was completely independent and self-assured
It decided it would take my fine life and wreck havoc on it
I can’t do a single damn thing
Without the voice watching
Telling me what I did was wrong
The voice likes to remind me how I was so beautiful and happy when it chose me
And how I have degenerated because of it
The voice likes to tease me by reminding me what it did to my body

I don’t do much anymore
Except cower in fear of the voice
But I hope to leave town and get the hell away
Either that or end my life
The voice cannot exist without me
And it wants to run me off the road

When I leave town
I don’t believe I would ever come back again…
Not for gold, not for anything

I’ll probably end up killing my self
Because you can’t run from a memory
500 miles from home and the voice would still follow my every move probably
It stores itself between my bones and in my muscles to use for its energy

It used to be my hopes and goal to leave, before
Now I know the joy will be sapped from me for an eternity more

I have seen others end their life and it wasn’t so bad. It really is for the best.


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wanderer 4/30/2018 - 11:11 am

Hey poster, please dont go just yet . i like what you wrote and could understand it and relate to it .
i myself sometimes have this voice telling me to do things. You are not alone !

Cause of Death: Suicide 4/30/2018 - 1:08 pm

Well I am not going yet although I have been waiting my entire life to end it. It will be a few up to 6 months. A few things to do first..

Don’t want to stick around that long but it is what I have to do.

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