Booked my last trip home.

  May 16th, 2018 by 1988

M/30 and not native English speaker.

It’s not like i can talk with other people about this stuff. I know this site since last time. Did the same last time. Just posted. I think it’s 4 years ago now. It must have been in 2014. The rope broke, I woke up on the floor and I’m still here. I turned 30 in January. That was scary. I’m an adult now. That means it’s 11 years since I got ill. 11 years since my journey away from my problems started. Now I’m sitting here in an other country a hell lot of kilometers away from ‘home’. It’s not changing, my head keeps finding new depressive subjects witch I can think about all my hours awake. The last week was especially hard. I miss someone I’ve almost forgotten. I once had what I needed but I didn’t realize it until now. That hurts. My search for happiness has to come to an end. It won’t change. I just keep involving more people in my life. It’s a bad thing. I just do it. I’ve just bought the plane tickets. In 1 week I’ll go ‘home’ and stay there for 2 weeks. I need to see my old friends and my dad a last time. I’m still scared but not as much as earlier. I I’m almost certain that reincarnation is real. I don’t believe in punishment. It’s just like a video game. I chose the wrong player and will restart the game with a character with better stats. It’s okay. I will definitely choose an easier difficulty next time, if I’m allowed to. I’ve learnt a lot in this life, mostly from the situations where i haven’t been good, but I try to be good. I just need a new start.

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