I was trying to hang myself again, this time I was closer to doing it. I’m getting close to that mindset where everything points to that. The pain of hanging feels like it will be nothing compared to the life I fear of having.
Just a couple more days of this horrible existence I’m experiencing will convince me it’s time.
At least I won’t experience cancer or some other disease.
And I think my family is ready for my death anyways.
Today I was closer than ever to finishing it.
I told myself just of couple more days of torture and that’ it, that will be enough to do it.
For a few seconds I was ready for it I thought, “this is it I’m going to pass out right here” and I was actually kind of happy about that, but I didn’ pass out and I realized I wI’ll have to deal with more discomfort.
I can’t say when I’m going to die, but it will be in spare of the moment. I canot plan it out I have to do it by impulse.
If things get better and I don’ feel the need to post here I will let everyone here know.
If I stop posting out of the blue, it’s because I have died.
Why do I post here, I have no idea. Maybe it helps me to think it through.
After months of considering suicide today was the closest, I was not even thinking of my family’s needs.
I’m really tired It hurts to think about what tomorrow will be like. Seeing everyone so happy while I hurt so much.
4 comments
hey definetelyworried,
what happened do you that you want to hang yourself? hanging is my method also. i struggle with hanging myself, i struggle with living..
It’s a long story xnoir.
I don’t feel like typing it.
How old are you xnoir?
Any method is difficult.
But I think hanging will be the way for me.
I should have done it last night.
Today already has been overwhelming and this weekend will be miserable for me.
I was so close to blacking out.
I will have relatives over this weekend, and they will try to help me, but they will only make me feel worse, because they will mention how happy they are and I will become jelouse of them.
For many reasons I should have done it last night.