It’s time I guess(carbon monoxide?)

  May 17th, 2018 by JBone

Never thought it’d be strongly considering ending it.   Was doing so well until I got sick 17monhe ago right before turning 50.   Been an exhausting and unbelievably depressing time of trying to find out what’s wrong.    Symptoms of unbelievable fatigue, muscle and joint pain, insomnia , cognitive issues.  Sexual dysfunction, depression, etc….  Many tests and labs and nothing wrong.   The only thing left is chronic fatigue syndrome.   That’s what it is but not officially diagnosed yet because it takes forever.    There is no cure for it and no real treatment that matters enough.   If I had something I could beat and make a comeback I’d be driven and optimistic.   I can’t beat this and can’t imagine carrying on this way.    It’s not living.   I’m 1/10 of what I was.   Actually got fired last week because I’m pretty much disabled.

The longer this goes on the more I miss how lucky I was.  Very healthy and happy.  Pretty much forgot how that was.    I sure know how this is though.  My life is gone.

I don’t want to go on anymore.    I’m not myself.

I was thinking of a carbon monoxide via charcoal grill in car.    I could fit a grill on the floor in the back between passenger side seat and back seat.   I’d light it up and let it settle down and then put it in car.   Maybe wait a half hour for  CO to build up and then go in and sit down in drivers seat.   Don’t know what to expect.   Hopefully fall asleep and quickly go.

Any suggestions to make this go smoothly? Thanks

 

 

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