Will someone please read this

May 9th, 2018by imsosorry2468

I’ve been here so many times before. Always as a reader and never as a participant.

I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts for my whole life, or at least the last 13 of the 23 years…I’ve attempted twice, by drowning.

Recently I was diagnosed with “double depression” which from what I gather means a persistent low mood pulse episodes of severe depression. As well as bi-polar disorder and pretty hectic anxiety and obsessive compulsive behavior.

I was thought these things were normal because I’ve had them all my life, I guess not. Last year around December my mom noticed my scars on my arm and thighs (I know right, how typical) , she took me to a therapist shortly after.

I really didn’t want to go but after seeing how much my behavior was affecting my family I thought I should do it for them, not myself. And so I did, I’ve been seeing a clinical psychologist and a psychiatrist for 6 months now and have been on medication for my bipolar and depression as well as concentration meds to help me focus on school work (I think it helps me not to sleep all day too). The meds worked for the first couple months but I have noticed they have become less and less effective.

Anyway my psychiatrist has yet to increase my dosage despite me telling him that I feel as if they’ve aren’t working and that I am slipping. Now I am terrified of falling back down to my lowest point. I felt so dead last December , the thought of being there again makes me want to kill myself before I get there. I know right. How stupid is that logic but I can’t help it.

It seems all hope is lost. I’m so scared.

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