i had a fight with my mom today. i think we fought because i wanted new shorts and she said 20 bucks is too much for shorts, but then she talked to some friends about buying gin and she was like: oh, 45 bucks for a bottle of gin is really little…
so we fought in the car on our way back home, and my arguments were like really shitty and had no connections to the actual situation, but actually, i was trying to tell her that i want to spend some time with her and that my thoughts aren’t that great and positive… i was struggling with depression a year ago, and everyone that experienced depression knows, that it doesn’t really go away, ever. so i wanted to talk to her about my thoughts while we would have been out (we didn’t go out – to buy shorts, because she didn’t want to go).
long story short, we are not on speaking terms, i expressed my thoughts about her so-called best friend that i don’t like that much, but she thinks i do, my vacations are now fucked up, my plans are fucked up, because i’m that kind of person that struggles to apologize or talk about her feelings…
i don’t know what to do, i’m calm, but i’m pretty sure mom won’t forgive me this one so easy… but you know at the same time i’m really angry at her, because she made this all about herself and how she’s the victim and that i’m just doing this for drama and shit…
but for real, i’m really tired. mentally and physically. i just want everything to be good and alright… i don’t know what to do, i already started worrying for my future and my grades for the next two years (in our country the last two yreas grades count for colleges) because i want to study psychology and it’s really hard to get in that college… i’ll practically destroy my life if i don’t have straight A’s for the next two years…
ughhhhhhh…. why am i so bad at expressing feelings?
3 comments
Something that I made a habit of long ago was to stop apologizing for things. This is because more often than not people only use it as a way to suppress dealing with an issue, or because of the fact that the apology given, when examined, has nothing to do with why you’re upset in the first place; adding to the frustration/problem.
Instead I have learned to hold myself accountable for my words/actions, and to explain the thoughts/feelings that I was experiencing to the other person to create an environment of understanding. I find this method to be infinitely more effective, as most arguments are due to something lurking in the background… exactly like you realized your argument was… which the other person isn’t even aware of. Bringing that from the background to the foreground illuminates the miscommunication; therefore, you now have understanding, and there isn’t even a need to apologize.
With that being said… You may also be the victim of something lurking in the background on your Mother’s side which you’re unaware of, so instead of wanting/expecting/needing an apology from her, perhaps, instead seek to find understanding instead. To do this you need three simple things: Courage, Objectivity, and Restraint.
Courage to say the things on your mind, honestly, knowing that you may not get the same in return. That’s okay though… you’ll feel better getting it out in the open, and from the feeling that you did the right thing by making the effort to clear the air. — Objectivity to allow yourself to remain open to answers and reasons that will probably defy your logic and reason. Also objectivity to understand that expressing thoughts/feelings does not equal an attack on you or your character. — Restraint to allow yourself to listen to what is being said, and to not form any type of opinion before the other person has finished explaining themselves. Restraint to not interject your feelings or ideas. Restraint to not attack their logic or feelings.
If you can do that… you can pretty much do anything you set out to do in life, as interpersonal communication skills (along with Rhetoric) truly are in high demand in all aspects of life.
Remain Blessed, -Kev
@wickedapparition wow, thank you:) did not expect an answer like that, but i’m thankful 🙂 i will try your method, thank you for taking your time to help me
I appreciate your ‘Thanks’, but you’re the one that deserves the credit as not one single word written by me means anything without you.
You allowed yourself to take the time to read what I had said, to remain objective.
You allowed yourself to give me, my words, and my message real thought and consideration.
You even allowed yourself to (possibly) take active measures in an effort to better your situation because making your life a better place truly matters to you.
Yeah, you did all that. Why, because you’re awesome; duh!
Hahaha. Anyways, as always, Remain Blessed. -Kev