I am more keen on drop hanging after my last partial suspension attempt, that last attempt pushed me past my threshold, but the rope i used snapped possibly as I was on my way out. i had a black eye, my throat hurt for days, and my elbow was damaged somehow, i may well have passed out because i also dont know how some things in the wardrobe where i hanged ended up scattered on the floor. I’m back in the same situation that led to all my previous attempts, thus compelled to try again. It mortifies me to think that I may have succeeded and that it’s only because the rope snapped that I’m alive, but if that’s what happened then it means I have my technique right and have already gone through the worst and it wasn’t so bad considering. I blanked out quite soon after I let my weight go.
I also now have a viable route for getting overdose drugs but this will cost about £400 which means saving up money for months, my neighbour wants to get LSD from the deep web and I can use his account to order lethal prescription drugs for myself, its just that its a lot more long winded than I currently have the patience for, each day is a scar on my soul. I have more respect and admiration for the dead than I do for the living, ive lost the ability to make my life reapectable and worthwhile so all i have left to show my worth is an outright rejection of this life, im a useless eater producing nothing and suffering in pain to top it off, all my previous ?reams and endeavou can go to fucking hell all i care about is dying and getting the fuck out of this farce of a life I’ve ended up in, no desire for a final music playlist, just me, my willpower and the rope i need to kill me.
15 comments
So it seems you had that partial suspension right, because you didn’t feel much pain, if you go full suspension, there is no going back in the case where you do feel pain and don’t black out quick.
I have a big adam’s apple, it gets in the way.
Do u have a big adam’s apple?
Did your adams apple hurt when u woke up?
What day was this?
could i ask you not to try 🙁 ? <3
could we maybe talk about this instead…?
<3
i really hope we can
xo
Thanks for trying but I get my ass kicked every morning for 5 hours with headaches, my ambitions and dignity are gone, I’m not consolable, hope you have the nice life you deserve
you helped me to put things into perspective, and i want you to know that i will remember your comments to me always. the thing about being on this website is that there is always going to be someone there for you; someone is always awake at 3:00 a.m. you can vent to someone, you can read someone elses posts, and maybe take something away from them. i believe that people just want to be loved. with suicidal people, being loved can be twisted, rationalized, perceived as anything their brain is telling them to believe. what i know is that you helped me once, and in my opinion you truly do matter. XOXOXOX
Thanks, yes we all want to be loved but pain is personal and the greater the pain is the more isolated you become, and some suffering cannot be allievieted by anything except death
i am sorry for your pain, and hope that you find what you are looking for.
I’m dreading my day which is upon me soon.
im dreading my day which is upon me as well, reel. i can feel it in my bones
I’m also afraid of that day. Things have been going south for me.
Rough start of the day for me.
I can really feel your despair and hopelessness, I’m also dealing with the same struggle!! Your not alone….
Just want to give the world a big middle finger before going out, bitter as fuck.
Drop hanging is technically complex and you will almost certainly paralyze yourself and live to tell the tale through a vocoder. If your throat hurt after suspension hanging, you unnecessarily put pressure on the larynx.
This would have resulted in a terrifying, painful, and possibly conscious death by suffocation. It’s very different than the peaceful passing out and rapid unconscious death that happens when you deprive the brain of oxygenated blood.
I’m sorry if this breaks the site rules, but you need some tough love. Ordering “lethal drugs” on a Tor honeypot, being unable to source LSD locally, using a rope, considering drop hanging at all, worrying about a final playlist, it’s amateur and asinine.
Put your plans on hold and reevaluate them in a few years. I’m not saying your suffering right now isn’t valid or serious, but your preoccupations are obviously those of teenager.
Just save up for the overdose drugs, die in peace. I can relate to your story. I ruined my life.