This is not a story. This dream last night was a real nightmare.
In this dream, my drug addict brother had paid some of his bad friends, to help assist him in suicide. In the dream this happened in our backyard.
I saw my brothers car rolled up in plastic packaging tape, and inside the car was my brother and his girlfriend rolled up in the same material, he was gasping for air, like he was uncouncious for a couple of minutes, I was hesitant to rescue him, because I didn’t know if he was going to be brain damaged, I know I would not want to be saved at that point. It was a horrible feeling, not knowing what to do. At that moment I felt it was my fault, because in real life he has seen me experimenting with suicide methods.
This changes my perspective on suicide.
This makes me realize what kind of an impact my suicide can make.
This makes it more difficult to commit suicide. But it also makes me hate my existence even more.
Today was a horrible day.
I haven’t had a good day in a bout 4 months. And the days seem to just get worse.
10 comments
I can so relate. I’m thinking about my family, what will happen to them, will they ever recover and move on. I’m feeling so depressed and trapped right now. I know I don’t wanna go on!! I just pray that I die naturally
If there is even the slightest reason why they would feel like it was their fault, they would blame it on them selves, to the point they would feel like they murdered you, that’s how I felt in this dream. I immediately woke up when I seen my brother dying that way in my dream. I hate what I’m going through so much.
I had plans to have children, but after all this, I would not dare bringing anyone to this existense. I do wish I was never born.
I don’t understand why I’m here.
It bothers me.
Thanks for listening to my rants.
Yes I guess they will blame themselves forever, the grieving is different from losing someone to natural death. You are very selfless to think that way of not bringing children into this world to suffer. I’ve never wanted them, cos I too wish I was never born!!!
I kind of wanted my family to feel guilty about my suicide, but after that dream I would not want that feeling to go to anyone. It’s much worse than I could have imagined. I’m lucky it was just a dream.
It does make me want to escape this existense even more though. The pain people could feel in this world is endless.
The pain definitely outweigh the joy in this world for me.
Even the funnest times in my life are not worth the pain I seen and know exists.
Yet right now I could kill myself, but I’m not attempting it because something is stopping it and I’m not sure what, but it might be the fear of what dying will feel like.
Scared to live and scared to die.
I rather never have been born.
Do you have any children?
No I have no children. I so agree, the pain outweighs the joy in life. And I believe the worst is lurking around the corner waiting to strike for me… at my wit’s end!
I feel the same way. I feel like the worst is yet to come, and I don’t see any more good times for me.
Damn, sometimes I forget for a little while then it comes back rushing to me. I hope the best for the both of us.
Thank you! Same to you, let’s try to look on the bright side. May things turn out fine!
How long have you been feeling bad for?
I don’t have dreams anymore. only nightmares like my life
Today has been worse than yesterday, and the day before that was worse than yesterday. I don’t feel suicidal at the moment, but I feel worse than when I was suicidal. Because at least I felt like the pain would be over. And felt like I had a plan.
I wish I was never born.
I’ve never experienced this type of pain. I wish I would had killed myself when I had the courage.