Clearly

June 11th, 2018by spectralgiraffe

Everyone has given up on me except my boyfriend. I don’t know what he sees in me honestly. He refuses to believe that I’m a failure. He thinks thats bs. But I know its true. Sure I was scared of the water at the beach, but got in anyway. Sure I was extremely physically exhausted some way into doing that walking track, but I kept going. Sure I tried to climb up something that he tried to climb. Sure I made progress on walking down stairs (my balance kinda sucks on them)…

…so what. I’m not any less of a failure. Its not that i’m not ‘putting’ in effort. I just can’t do it, no. I’ve told him how I really feel, yesterday was much more so. I told him I didn’t really want to die but saw no way out. That I tell myself I want to die multiple times a day. He basically told me to just think about living instead. He thinks and believes that I can be helped. I can’t!!! I told him that he doesn’t understand me, nobody does.( I swear i’m not some special snowflake… if you think so idc btw.)

No matter what, he is set on helping me! I really feel so sorry for him, wasting all this time on me. He deserves much better than me. 🙁

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