Today, I realized I was nothing but a money bag to my Mom. Today I realized I was just a creature to yell at for my Dad. For years, these were my suspicions, and today I found out the truth. So now, I can’t see happiness, I can’t see kindness, all I see is a gray void where there was once a masterpiece. So now, I hide my sadness, my pain, my fear behind either a fake smile, or a fake scowl. Just a great life, huh? If my younger self could see me now, he would be mortified at what I’ve become. Cutting, crying every night, clinging to the last bits of happiness that I have…
Now I can’t see a light. All I can see now is the crushing pain and hatred grow and surround me, destroying my remains of love and happiness. I guess I’ll keep the façade up a little longer. There’s no point for me now. I sit in my room and think of how to fix my life, but I know I can’t. So, I guess this is kind of like a suicide note, huh? I don’t care what happens now, I can no longer see why I wanted to live. I constantly think, “Even Hell would be better than this place.” And I know it looks like I’m rambling, but to be honest, I just want to get my thoughts down one last time. I guess this is the great 15 year old life. Well, those of you I’ve met here and helped me, thanks but you wasted your energy on me. To the rest of the people on here, I hope you do better than I did.
5 comments
I didn’t do better. I am in the same situation as you. But you have to believe. You can find a way out. Every night, you must strengthen yourself with good thoughts, maybe even if there not in your life. Dreams. Those are what keep you going on positive trends.
~hug~
You have to see past the now and realize in a few years you have complete say over your life. Start planning that life. Save your money, stay focused on that plan. The time will pass. You can do it.
Hold a positive thought in your mind. Some phrase that feels good and gives you piece. You deserve the best. Believe in yourself. Know you are amongst friends here and people who care about you.
Sure we are strangers in a sense but many here understand your pain and your heartbreak. Please do something for yourself today….listen to some good music…go to a place that makes you feel happy…get outside in nature if possible.
I am sorry those family members around you are causing you stress. Try to take time out from stress if you can.
don’t do it