Neck tight in noose and clenched fists, rocking my arms for strength, was angry and focused, reminded me of weight training, i shut out all thoughts and concentrated on increasing the neck pressure and letting my body go more limp, I ignored thoughts telling me to stop and instead i thought about what ive suffered, then had the thought of taking an overdose and how nice it would be to not have to fight for death, and i got distracted and then came realisation I can’t do it at this time, and I got up and freed myself. Frustrated. Ready to try again.
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I know the feeling. It happened to me the same way, but instead of thinking of how much I had suffered, I thought about how much suffering I would be avoiding. I had full intent to kill myself and honestly I’m surprised I didn’t passed out I had put a lot of pressure and what stopped me was the pain and time it was taking, I had to reassesment my method for another day. But I was ready to die. I have nowhere in my room for full suspension.
My failed attempt was a standing partial suspension.
My failed attempt was a standing partial suspension using my door.
Some days have passed and I’m suffering life.
I don’t want to get used to a bad situation, I rather die than live a sad life. I’m living scared of what is next, but the courage I felt to kill myself has diminished lately, the pain I still feel. Everyday sucks for me and I’m afraid of what’s next. Suicide triggers are so painful to deal with, I don’t want to deal with any more unnecessary suicide triggers.
I need to find a good location and a good method for full suspension hanging, or some sort of suicide kit that provides a more accessible death.
I’m scared of an unsuccessful attempt.
I don’t want to end up more permanently damaged than I already am.
Just tried again and this time overwhelmed with fear
I’m assuming the fear is of the unknown?
Maybe the fear is of the permanent act, the finality, the definite unreversable consequence?
That is usually the fear that stops me.
There was one time when I was able to get passed those fears, the pain and time it was taking made me stop.
There is a part of me that regrets me being alive but there is another part of me that thinks that there might be some hope,
either way the wait and fight I must endure just to see if things are going to be ok, make me rather die.
I do live very troubled.
It would be nice to die painlessly in my sleep.
An overdose on lethal drugs and sleeping pills surely is the ideal way, let modern medicine do all the work
Poisonous plants. Anti-emetics. And sedatives.
Poisonous plants would be hard to measure correctly, surely you cant go wrong with prescription drugs that are notorious for overdose deaths
Beats me. I own four g-ns.
I had used a poisonous plant but began throwing it up before I passed out while walking and hit my head on the chester; was sick for about 2 days.
Thats brave taking that on its own, got to research properly and be well prepared if taking substances
don’t do it.
In other words, continue to suffer unbearably.. no way
:^(
i think that there is alot to live for, to stay around for. small things, like, sunsets and tv shows.