Deep inside I want to die but I’m too afraid… I keep crying endlessly! I like drawing. I try to draw but I can’t because I keep crying and crying and crying! Even writing this is hard… I keep crying. I need a hug. When’s the last time someone hugged me? It’s been a long time. I haven’t cried within years. I haven’t shown any signs of emotion within years. I always was the strong guy who barely cared about emotions but this is gone. I feel so weak. I am so weak.
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Crying is strength, you’ve remained strong for too long. Let it out and remember that society tells you lies, it’s a human experience to have emotions and process them . Holding it in is what harms us 🙁
But… I don’t want emotions! I want to be emotionless like a machine, I can’t! I keep crying it feels good but I’ve cried for hours… I just feel ill. I can’t do things because I cry. I listen to folksongs and hardbass when I’m sad, it makes me happy, but now, for the first time in my life, it doesn’t do anything… I can’t do anything but cry, and it gets louder, I don’t want anyone to hear me. I’m writing this since 10 minutes… I just keep crying. If only someone cared!
Caring isn’t weakness. Hurting isn’t weakness.
Surviving and learning from it all is the pinnacle of strength. Now you fight yourself, and the world. Your past and present. That’s the toughest fight of all. The more you fight, the stronger you’ll become. But it requires your will, and heart.
I’m losing this fight… I’m so sad. I want to die.
(just got back) You should talk about what’s making you sad. Maybe even try counseling, or see a therapist. You said “If only someone cared”, well, a lot of people care. I’m just one of them, and I’m some random asshat from the internet who doesn’t know you.
Maybe that’s a bonus. We should talk. I’d be interested in hearing.
I’m sad because I’m a liar and I keep lying to people. Noone knows how I really am. Because I am noone! I adapt myself to the people I’m with. The only thing I actually like is drawing. I know nothing and I can’t go talk with people because they’re always interested in things I don’t know. They pretend to like me but deep inside they feel the lassitude of talking to me. Everyone lied to me, each and every one! I’m sad.
I can promise I won’t lie to you. I’ll tell you bluntly, and honestly, and won’t hold anything back or consider your feelings before I speak my mind. However, I see thing’s quite differently from most people so I’m not sure how much help that can be. Visit my profile ( /author/bd2342f2/ ) for my email.
Also, everyone adapts themselves to the people their with, to some extent. If you do it to a large extent, then I’d bet you lack a strong sense of self, or you are afraid of the reaction you’ll get. You need to discover yourself. That happens in two parts: observing yourself as objectively as you can, and thinking about what your ideal self would be. That becomes a journey of personal growth. If you don’t have a self, you should make one – and by that I mean a true one, not a mask.