I just want to go far.

I’m in somewhat similar situation with studies. I found it helpful to ignore people with negative impact on my life. I can’t move away in my case so I just live with it. I help my family with their needs and distance myself from them to minimize how hurtful they can be. Recently I gradually stopped antidepressants and got into exercise in gym. My low energy and physical and immune system weakness improved to the better greatly. Mood and other brain chemicals are way way better. And considering anyone who lived this long with depression have been through a lot of hardships. The iron will we develop is helpful in gym or excersise in general to keep up the routine. It’s way more effective than meds. There’s a certain diet for depressed people to follow but im just getting into that. Sucide is a cruel thing to do to yourself and any loved ones whether the ones you know or yet to meet. I say that even after landing on such a website cause of these thoughts. It’s really hard to focus on studying so as long as you live, everyone please seek improvement and a cure. Life challenges can’t stay forever. You will be in control eventually if you keep fighting for yourself and your health. Many great and successful people deal with the same emotions. As agonizingly slow things may move. Things will improve if you set things into motion and prioritize healing and mending your life. Some problems are out of our own control don’t stress yourself over these. Focus on what you can do at the moment and eventually they’ll be within grasp. Also found stuff like Woebot app useful and there are other techniques to filter your thought process from baseless negativity and make you head clearer.
Sorry for the long winded comment. I just couldn’t pass by as people in the same position i was in recently are hurting.