I had a fucked-up relationship, and I know I had a fucked-up relationship. I have had time to sit back and know in what ways I was abused and in what ways I was reactionary, and I have reached out one more time to this person wanting to wipe the Slate clean. I don’t know why I have this like addiction to them, but he shows a very strong pattern of narcissism. But I also don’t have anyone else in my life and I’ve had trouble finding anyone. Today I said I didn’t want him back as a lover or a boyfriend because it was horrible for me and he told me that it traumatized him. Now I’m sitting here thinking was I abusive? I remember writing down a list of the ways in which he was abusing me, and now he’s telling me that he’s traumatized and I’m full of self-doubt and self-hate and I’m so fucking miserable.
5 comments
All you gain from relationships is scars. Relationships have been reduced to hurting and being hurt. So don’t bother that much, the whole world is messed up. Then again if you don’t care you die so if you want to live your are on the good path. But if you really want to live and you have the strength then healing him will heal you too. True love is giving from what you are missing. So if you are hurt and still try to heal the one who hurt you will heal you too but if you are not strong enough and don’t do this for him then you are going to be destroyed. Take care (if you want)
or (that healing bit) it’s just going to mess you up more because he’d be acting in the same way.. not exactly sure how you’d be able to heal him in any case, mostly you’ve been trying to heal yourself. plus that sounds like it could lead right back into an manipulative situation for you.
as to the post, you already said that there were times you were reactionary, and that yes you’ve had issues with anxiety and such. but you didn’t use that to string him along or make him think you wanted something more than you did, and i think you’ve already tried addressing ways in which he’s done things to hurt you, has he ever done the same, or acknowledged it was wrong or apologized? if not, i have a hard time really thinking he was traumatized, especially with the way he’s used your vulnerabilities against you, especially if he can’t say why or why he decided to only bring it up now. i think it’s good that even though you want to contact him again you’re taking care to stay platonic, long run that’s going to be more beneficial to you.
He has acted in the same way. He’s convinced I’m trying to trick him when I never did. I was always upfront and he manipulated me and situations to get what he wanted over and over. I wanted to heal together and try to maintain a friendship, but everything is always on his terms, which is just like the relationship. He doesn’t need me for anything anymore, so he’s discarding me, while I’m like having problems dealing with the idea that I had what I thought was a real connection with someone and I can’t find a happy ending. I think asking me to heal a person who abused me is kind of rotten, to be honest. I did everything I could, and it’s always my fault, never good enough, etc.
i think most of this reaching out to him again does have to do with your difficulties forming connections.. I’m the same in that regard. and whatever degree the connection was, and even though it has done more harm i think.. the fact that you have been able to open up and allow someone in is a good thing. being lonely, and wanting a real bond with someone isn’t stupid. and the way he acted wasn’t on you.
it shoud be two-way, not just you putting in effort. when the other person doesn’t care, i think it makes having them in your life even worse. i know that can be hard to balance with needing people in your life, though. usually the hope is to find others, but it’s not always easy to get by alone.
ffsokaythen From what you said I got a vague and one sided idea of what he might be and honestly there is not much you can do if I’m right. That’s what he wanted, don’t feel bad. All you should do is walk away if you can’t stay.
Oh, if you want listen to the song “Sweet dreams” from Eurythmics (original version).