I was intensely suicidal for months until two weeks ago when i started feeling better and life became worth it. I want to carry on living and recovering for now but im also very keen on making sure i can readily kill myself when i feel to in future, the option needs to always be there so when times get tough or pointless or if i just feel like its time to go, i can do it painlessly and possibly in comfort. I want a suicide kit, everybody should have an escape plan, how naive and irresponsible it is not to. What if i became blind or too crippled in some other way that would make suicide much harder and painful or impossible without having a peaceful exit solution available? What a nightmare that would be, im not so stupid to ignore these possibilities anymore, dignified death must always be readily available. Death is inevitable yet people shriek and frown at suicide, the bravest act and highest expression of self determination. Ill probably lead a happier life once ive got my exit solution and i can rule out the possibility of being stuck in any painful limbo in future like i did for 5 months this year, im glad i survived but i wont mind if i had died, next time everything turns to shit ill be prepared and i aim to enjoy my exit which is something only very few manage to achieve.
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Death, could be referred to as more than, one thing, that’s sort of been known by common sense. I guess, the other thing is referred to as, pain inflicting death, rather than, your other peaceful revelation.
Only if I could edit some of these.
I’m trying conversate, believe it or not.
I believe you.
I’m still strugling, I been close to doing it a few times and I’m still struggling with the thought. I still have not found a solution and I still feel trapped.
haha, you tell me! i keep a lethal amount of xanax with me for like five years! damn, i made it this far..
i won’t deny, there’s comfort in knowing you’re never out of options, and that no matter what happens, you can always quit the game. it can be dangerous at times when you’re feeling suicidal, but, and i’m saying that just from my personal experience, even when i felt suicidal in these five years, it somehow succeded to calm me in a strange way. i felt.. secure.. like, i’m in control of the situation, if it ever be so exhasting.
I went through the same thought process and reached the same conclusions. For now, and maybe for some time, life will be ok for me. It really probably will be. But if things go terribly wrong…