The pattern seeking brain attempts to find meaning in the meaningless. I can’t help but feel that getting a text from an ex-dealer who went MIA (prison most likely) two years ago was a sign. Now I’ve been a weekend warrior every Friday this month. Clandestine meetings, cash swapping hands, coke, crystal, pills, booze, escorts, strippers, and maxing out credit cards. Pull yourself together for Monday. Running on nearly zero sleep. Can my co-workers tell? Doubt it. I stare at a screen in a cubicle all day regretting the three day party. This is how people too scared to pull the trigger kill themselves.
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2 comments
hey that’s a nine inch nails song! i saw them live in 2009… best concert of my life.
you are not alone. i’ve been dancing to that tune for most of my life. addictions, when working on quitting, can be beat, but one at a time, and be forgiving of your relapses…they will happen. how you cope with them takes inner strength, and a support system. i wish you well!