well i have always been different
i was the girl who was sexually abused by both of her brothers when she was 9
i was the girl who has always been into the sexual stuff
i was the girl who was soooo faaaaaar away ( emotionally ) from her family and she thought that this is normal
then when i was 11 i realized that i should be closer to my mum and i have tried for 2 years but no response and that hurts and gave up
then i started talking to guys online and then i started using fake names and fake pics then i stopped and tried to live my life like any other girl in my age but i was always sad and not satisfied by anything so i came back to what i do online
after 6 years of doing that , i wanted to start meeting those people that i am talking to
but i was talking to them in the fake me ( the fake name the fake family …)
ive been doing this for 2 years now
and i am finally happy
i knew this is abnormal
so i stopped and then has been hitted by my ugly real life that i thought it was full because of the presence of the other fake life
i went to the doctor
i have OCD , anxiety and depression
ive been going to the doctor for 4 months and ive been better
but
for one time
i was weak so i called sb from my other life and asked him to come to my home
then my mom cought us
and btw
nobody knows anything about all of this other than my therapist
well she was like
i dont trust you anymore and you cant use the car anymore and you cant go out with your friends and will drive you to your university and pick you up to make sure that you dont meet anymore guys
ive been fine with all of this
until she insisted on checking that i am virgin
that was sooooooo fucking bad and hard to do
i really really really hate her and i really cant stand this life
i cant say anything
i cant even tell her that i used to go the dr because all what she is going to say
how did you go \who is this dr
she wouldnt give a fuck actually about me
i am thing of taking my life since it has already been taken from me
i literally dont live any moment the way i wanted it to be
but you know what
i am afraid if this doesnt work either
my life would be more miserable
my dad would be like , look how you made us look in front of all those people
and my mum would be more and more and more controlly
they dont love me , i just represent them so they want to be presented in the way they want to ….
2 comments
Sorry to hear that you were sexually abused by 2 males who were suppose to protect you. And you catfishing must have come from your anxiety and depression, as well as other underling disorder.
3 things…
The First: As daunting as your sexual experiences, both willful or otherwise, may seem… Use them as a source of strength and empowerment in life and for self growth. Life has given you knowledge and perspective that most other people do not possess. Yes, it may seem as though it was at a cost, but that is only because you’re not doing anything with what you’ve been given for that price you have paid. Again, Use it to find betterment. Someway; somehow.
The Second:This is your life! You only get one, so do something with it. Anything, or everything, but do it for yourself in such a way that allows you to be happy. Additionally, remember this one truth: Sure, you could live your life trying to make other people happy, but either way they’re always going to have some sh*t to say about it; therefore, if you’re going to have to be judged either way… might as well be judged for something that brings you happiness.
The Third: This is going to sound like a totally odd suggestion, but regardless of that I think you should watch the Oprah Winfrey & RuPaul SuperSoul Conversation I know… I know… sound totally odd, and it also starts out that way for the first 5 min. or so. Past that point it’s arguably one of the most inspirational things I’ve watched in quite some time. I think you may just like it.
Remain Blessed. -Kev