Painful Depression

I take the Suicide Project letter everywhere reminding myself there is hope. Sometimes, the pain is so overwhelming. My mother is going to turn 90….but she has cancer. I am already grieving. It waxes and wanes. But when I feel like this I feel like I am in a black fog. And being tortured by a dementor.  I work part time and I am lucky that I can do that.  But a lot of times it is hard to get to work.  My fiance works all the time and his hours are so terrible I am used to being alone.  Mind you, I do not depend on him to make me happy.  I depend on myself to make myself happy…truly my life is very stressful at the moment.  Spinal Stenosis and GAD and menopause.  I am overwhelmed.