Ranting

I’ve been alone for my entire life. I have never been loved, never been cared about, never been anyone’s first priority, never. I have been keeping my pain and anger and sadness to myself for years. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t unhappy. Everyone and everything I came into contact with began to die. Everyone I thought cared about me decided to leave. And then, I finally found someone who made me feel loved and cared about and like I came first before everything else. I felt so lucky, so happy. But they destroyed me. They tore me down. They were never loyal, they never wanted me, I was just their toy, their replacement for the last one. I felt unwanted, I felt unneeded. I still do. I have never been happy, life has just dragged me on the concrete, down that painful, lonely road. And now, I feel more alone than ever. I feel like everyone has turned their backs on me, abandoned me, given up on me. I haven’t wanted to leave this cruel place more than now. I want to be happy but it seems I’m never good enough and that I’ll never be good enough. None of the people I thought I could trust ever see that I’m breaking. They don’t understand no matter how many times I tell them that I’m slowly dying on the inside. I honestly don’t know what I’m looking for on here but I know the reason I signed up in the first place was to look for something easy to end myself with. I’ve scarred my body for so long, I just want to leave it and be free from this pain I feel. I feel like my time is coming to an end and I don’t mind suggestions if they are given. If not, that’s alright. I just felt like ranting here. I hope that nobody else ever has to feel the way that we do here. I hope the future generations are at peace with themselves and the people around them. I’m sorry for wasting your time if you read this. Bye 🙂

~AJ